26 Cans of Radioactive Alphabet Soup
by eight 0f hearts
Summary: A lovely medley of stories made by the forum! Featuring 26 stories based on each letter of the alphabet. - COLLAB -
1. A is for Arachnophobia

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

**(this chapter by _eight 0f hearts_)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>A is for Arachnophobia<strong>

"Bwah!"

Having a grown man leap on top of you in the ungodly hours of the morning is hardly the most pleasant way to wake up... as Charles Snippy now knew from first-hand experience.

"What," he gasped, winded, as he shoved Pilot off his chest, "are you doing?"

Pilot let out an infernal screech and tried to clamber further onto the couch – and further onto Snippy, his arms and legs wrapping around the sniper like a monkey.

"Run, Snippy!" he screeched. "Run for your life!"

"Run from _what?" _All traces of sleepiness now gone, Snippy attempted to prise Pilot off him, but the other had a grip of steel and was clinging like a limpet.

"It'll eat us alive!" Pilot wailed. "It'll lay eggs in us and they'll hatch out of our _eyeballs!"_

"What are you talking about?" Snippy asked irritably, turning his face away as Pilot began waving his hands madly about. "Stop squirming around! Get off me!"

Finally seeming to calm himself down, Pilot crawled off Snippy's lap and huddled in a corner of the couch, his knees drawn up to his chest. He cast a nervous glance across the room to the pallet on the floor where he had been sleeping.

Sitting up a bit, Snippy followed the pilot's gaze. He couldn't see a thing.

"What are you so scared of?" he asked drily, figuring that he may as well try to solve the problem so that he could get back to sleep.

"It's _there_," Pilot whimpered, pointing a trembling finger.

"_What's _there?"

Pilot leaned in closer to Snippy's ear and whispered: "_The eight legged freak."_

"...what?" Snippy asked, now mighty confused.

"The radioactive spider!" Pilot grabbed Snippy by the shoulders and shook him vigorously. "Don't you understand, you stupid slug? It's _watching us right now! _Lurking in the shadows! I woke up and it was _this close _to my face! It would have eaten me but I jumped up in time!"

"All this fuss over a spider?" Snippy plucked Pilot's hands off him. "Stay on that side of the couch."

"_No! _We need to run! We need to find Captain!" Pilot drew his legs up again, squashing himself as far into the sofa as he could – as though if he merely touched the floor with his foot, the spider would launch itself from the shadows and bite his toe off.

With a long-suffering sigh, Snippy got to his feet.

"Where's this spider?" he asked.

Pilot jabbed his thumb vigorously towards the corner of the room.

"It's deadly! Take this!" he thrust Snippy's gun towards him.

Snippy waved him away. "I'm hardly going to shoot it! Seriously, I can't believe you woke me up because of a little _spider_," he grumbled under his breath as he stalked towards the pallet. "You're such a ninny."

He squinted to see in the darkness, reaching one foot forward and scuffing his boot about in the shadows. A dark shape scuttled across the wall.

"Ah, there it is."

Pilot let out a scream. He leaped onto the back of the couch and crouched there like a frightened cat.

"Don't be such a wuss!" Snippy chided. He stepped back into the light... and got a good look at the spider for the first time.

There was a frigid pause.

"Bloody hell, that is one _big spider_," Snippy breathed.

The thing had a body as big as his hand, legs a good six inches long, and was bristling with black hair. The fact that it had about twelve legs and glowing red eyes was indication enough that it was a mutant of some sort.

Snippy suddenly decided that maybe shooting it wouldn't be such a bad idea.

He backed towards the couch, eyeing the creature warily. It suddenly ran down the wall and onto the floor, and Snippy leaped up onto the sofa to join Pilot.

"Kill it, kill it!" Pilot hissed, latching onto Snippy's shoulder.

"I _am_ going to kill it," Snippy shot back. He was a man, dammit! Men were not afraid of insects... and men most certainly did not hunch up on sofas like frightened girls just because there was a spider on the floor.

"Give me your shoe," he ordered.

Pilot tilted his head. "Shoe?"

"Yeah."

Looking a bit puzzled, Pilot pulled off his boot and handed it to Snippy.

_Okay. I can do this. Just whack it with the shoe and it'll die. Nothing to be scared of._

Kicking himself for being such a chicken, Snippy stepped tentatively off the couch. The spider had run over to the opposite wall, where it was crouched menacingly in the corner.

Pilot let out a low moan of trepidation, and Snippy furiously shushed him.

Raising the boot in both hands, he took a moment to steel himself before slamming the shoe down against the spider.

It didn't die.

It fell off the wall, whereupon it twitched madly on its back for a moment before turning right-sight-up and running up Snippy's leg.

Later, the sniper would furiously deny that he ever screamed like a girl.

What he couldn't deny was the fact that he leaped backwards, fell rather ungracefully onto his posterior, and flailed around trying to get the creature off him.

Pilot was being absolutely no help, remaining hunkered down on the couch and screeching along with Snippy.

The spider somehow managed to make its way up onto Snippy's _face. _The sight of its hairy black stomach right up against his goggles was really not reassuring in the slightest. He was slapping at it, trying to get it off while anxious to avoid being bitten, when he heard the sound of a door slamming open.

"What is going on in here?"

The amused German voice calmed Snippy down almost embarrassingly quickly.

Captain strode across the room to where his minion was lying in the floor, and calmly reached down, grabbed the spider and lifted it up into the air.

Snippy scrambled to his feet and attempted to regain some dignity. "Captain. You're back. We-"

"Have you found a new pet for me, Mr Snippy?" Captain held up the wriggling spider by one leg, head tilted as he looked at it thoughtfully. "How nice of you!"

"It's not a pet, we were trying to kill it-"

"Kill it?" Captain exclaimed. He peered at the spider, then waved it in Snippy's face, causing him to recoil in disgust. "Why would you want to kill this lovely creature? It hasn't harmed you!"

"No, but it-"

"But what, Mr Snippy?" Captain looked over at him sternly. "What unmannerliness! Why, I thought I had raised you better than this!"

Snippy stared at him in confusion.

"Can I have my shoe back now?" Pilot piped up.

"Indeed, Pilot. Garb your foot. I will release this little beastie."

And with that, Captain carelessly flung the spider over his shoulder and out the open door. He dusted his hands off.

"Well! Since we're all awake, we should do something!" he declared. "Come on, minions! Chop chop! We're wasting daylight!"

"The sun isn't even up yet," Snippy groused, but followed the other two out anyway. It looked like he wouldn't be getting any more sleep tonight.

And if he didn't notice the small white eggs trapped inside the folds of his jacket... well, that's a story for another time.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. Be brutally honest with me, folks. I can take it.<strong>

**A/N: Somewhat short, but I think dragging it on would just have been needlessly prolonging the story.**

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "B" by ****ItachiFangirlShay1133**.


	2. B is for Baby

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

****Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, **LiquoriceLaw** and messynotebooks.****

**WARNINGS: slash, m-preg.  
><strong>

**(this chapter by _**ItachiFangirlShay1133**_)**

* * *

><p><strong>B is for Baby<strong>

Pilot was pregnant. And I have no idea how.

It started with a kiss from the Captain.

And it went from there.

**~OoO~**

I stood up. I didn't want that shoe using me to gain Captain's love!

I'll go on a mission without him! I didn't need his help anyways!

Captain! He'll tell me what I can do!

"Captain!" I hopped into the kitchen.

Captain was standing there facing me.

"Captain! I shall do your bidding! Tell me what to do!"

"Well mein Pilot, I did need someone to come with me on a mission to find more minions."

Was I dreaming? A mission alone with Captain?

"Are you sure Captain? Why not Snippy or Engie?"

"Because, mein Pilot, I wanted you."

I gasped as Captain removed his mask. He was the most gorgeous Captain alive!

Purple locks of hair rested on his neck while vibrant violet eyes stared at me.

"Shocked by mein smexiness?" He asked.

I did nothing as he pulled me in closer.

"You are speechless. No matter." He almost cooed as he took off my mask.

"Your face shows me everything." He leaned in so his face was in front of mine.

"We can't the others mi-" I never finished. He kissed me, and I loved it. I wrapped my arms around his neck. This couldn't be real. But it was!

And I loved it.

No. I loved him, and he loved me back.

Next thing I know I was in his bed sleeping next to him.

I could hear him waking up.

**~OoO~**

It was time.

The entire planet could probably hear the house buzzing which I wouldn't be surprised if it could.

Pilot was in the other room with Engie.

It sounded painful.

Captain was buzzing around the room asking if it was done yet, and we'd tell him to wait for Engie.

The noise in the room was cut off by another yell of pain and then it was silent.

Engie walked out and announced "Its a girl!"

Cheers from around the room were cut off by Captain,moving like a blur into the room.

So we followed him at a slower pace.

**~OoO~**

My baby was adorable! I wonder why it hurt so much.

It didn't matter now. All I could think about was her cuteness.

Snippy asked "What's her name?"

Everyone gathered around my bed.

"Captain Jr."

* * *

><p><strong>=8=8=<br>**

**NEXT CHAPTER: "C" by ******Schizo zee Techi****e****.****


	3. C is for Christmas

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** **Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, **LiquoriceLaw** and messynotebooks.**  
><strong>

**(this chapter by _Schizo zee Techie_)**

**Note from Techie: **This turned out horribly. I'm probably going to be killed on the spot by our great Captain, Alexius. *hides in her bunker* I'm pulling an Engie here…only I'm not leaving!

* * *

><p><strong>C is for Christmas<strong>

The morning sun rose, alerting the sleeping city that it was time to rise. Shops started opening, lights in once dark buildings turned on and soon the whole city came to life. But in one particular apartment located a few blocks from the tallest building one being was refusing to wake up from his slumber. The light pierced through his curtains and shined in his face.

_'Damn it all…'_ He thought angrily as he scrunched his nose. He quickly turned over, burying his head under the pillow and pulled the blankets tighter around him. His body relaxed back into a light sleep, _'…five more minutes.'_

But fate seemed to be against him.

The alarm clock on his nightstand went off. His eyes snapped open, mentally cursing himself for even buying the stupid thing. He reached out and slammed his fist on the button, _'Five…more…minutes!'_

Not going to happen.

The alarm started back up and his pillow went flying, landing on the floor on the other side of his room. Eyes glaring at the device, he reached out and tossed it into the wall across from his bed. It shattered, pieces scattering around. His nose twitched, "I hate mornings."

He managed to drag himself out bed and into the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed tea was welcomed with open arms as he made himself a cup. His doctor told him to find a new warm beverage to drink in the morning since coffee caused him to become more irritable.

_'Sweet liquid life…'_ He thought as it slipped down his throat, spreading warmth throughout his body. Taking a seat at the table he took another sip as he turned his head, staring at the hologram calendar. His jaw dropped, spilling the hot liquid in his lap.

_'The world fucking hates me.'_ He thought, ignoring the pain in his legs, _'It seriously can't be that time of the year already!'_

He started cursing and ranting under his breath, even slamming his cup onto the table. He had been buried in work a lot lately considering he was balancing two major projects and then there were all the little ones. Rising to his feet he stormed over the calendar and glared at the date.

_'Alright…you know what to do. You've done this every year. Just because a few things have changed doesn't mean your plans have to.'_ He thought to himself.

Who was he kidding?

"You know they won't stay away." He said out loud. Walking back to his room he started to prepare for work, "I fucking hate the winter holidays."

* * *

><p>As he walked down the busy streets with his hands tucked into his pockets he felt the urge to vomit. There was so much cheerfulness and love in the air, it was disgusting. He scoffed as he walked by a store, daring to peer in. It was a jewelry store; typical. A man and a woman were standing side by side, the woman pointing the most gaudy of rings and then man agreeing to buy it.<p>

_'You fool…'_ He thought angrily as he continued his walk to work, _'Spending money on a heartless creature that sucks the life out of you.'_

He knew he was probably being unreasonable but he was never one for holidays, or all the money spending it entailed. Especially on a woman who clearly didn't love him.

* * *

><p>As he walked through the entrance of the building he worked in he was suddenly surrounded by a few female co-workers, all of them smiling and wearing copious amounts of makeup. The smell of cheap perfume was overwhelming, <em>'And they think it smells attractive?'<em>

"So, Alex…are you attending the Christmas party that the boss is throwing?" One woman, a blond asked. She has this glint in her eye that matched her smile.

_'Lust, a twisted form of love.'_ Alex thought, "Sorry, girls. I'm not attending. There are other things that require my attention. Christmas isn't one of them."

"Aw, come on doctor. Surely you can find time in your busy schedule." Another woman, this one was a brunet, said with a pout. Alex sighed at the fakeness of these girls and shook his head.

"Ladies, I'm serious. ANNET requires my attention, not to mention I need to concentrate on Subject Seven." He said with a firm tone, "Now if you don't mind, I need to start routine maintenance for ANNET."

As he gently shoved past the girls and continued his walk he could hear them talking nasty about him, _'Women are so quick to toss aside victims and move onto the next.'_

* * *

><p>As he descended the floors below he came to a door. He slid his security card through the slot and stared into a retina scanner, the doors slid open with a hiss. He walked through and was greeted with the sight of his life's works, Subject Seven and ANNET arguing.<p>

"I'm telling you that it is clearly impossible for you to survive any situation!" The machine yelled, crossing its 'arms'. Seven made a hand motion and a noise of disbelief.

"I could survive anything! Why do you think they made me Captain?" Seven retaliated. Alex shook his head and smiled, it was amusing to watch the two interact. A machine built to control human necessities and the luckiest human to ever live.

"Are you two done yet? I'd like to get to work soon." He called out. Seven and ANNET turned to stare at him.

"Alex, my love! You have returned!" ANNET cried happily.

"Mr. Engie! I require more tea." Seven stated, holding out 'zee mug'. Alex shook his head at the nickname he managed to obtain.

"Seven, you know where the tea is." He said, "And don't get too comfortable with me around, Annie. I'm leaving early."

The two shouted, "What? Why?"

He had to laugh a little. Those two were always so upset when he left early, "The CEO is having a Christmas party tonight since we don't have work tomorrow. I'd like to avoid it at all costs, so I'm leaving early and not coming back. If I can, I'll come in Christmas day."

"But Alex, my love…" Annie started.

"You can't leave! Your Captain demands it!" Seven shouted at him.

"Seven, I'm your supervisor. You can't order me around." He said with a slight smirk. Though quite surprised when the Captain seemed to back down a bit, "Now I'd like the two of you two do something productive. Annie, begin maintenance routines. Seven, go fetch your tea."

He took a seat at his desk, staring over a couple monitors before opening his laptop. So many reports to fill out, so much to manage. But it was still better than wasting his time at some pointless party.

* * *

><p>Around noon he started packing up some of his belongings that he left around. Annie and Seven had been silent the entire time. It was concerning but welcomed. They usually bickered endlessly, <em>'They have to be up to something.'<em>

As soon as he shouldered his bag he turned to them, "Alright, why the silence you two? While I like you getting along, this is just unbelievable. Even with your level of luck, Seven."

Purple lenses met blue LED 'eyes' before they both stared upon the doctor, "Seven and I think you should go to this party, my love."

Alex just stood there, staring at the two. He looked at the floor for a moment before staring at them, "So that's what this is about. Sorry, but I'll pass. You know I don't socialize well. As pathetic as this sounds, the two of you are pretty much my entire social life. So what would be the point of me going to this party?"

"Having fun? Relieving what you humans call 'stress'? Alex, you need to take a break sometimes." Annie said. Alex went to say something but was cut off.

"Napping at zee computer doesn't count, Mr. Engie." Seven put in. He shut his mouth and crossed his arms.

"Alright, say I do agree to attend this stupid function. I require a date. Who would I bring with me? I'm not taking one of those desperate bimbos. The only thing they want is to get back to my apartment and have tumble in the sheets." Alex said, "I already have enough on my plate without having to burn my sheets that have now been laced with their nasty perfumes, sterilize my entire apartment and then buy new sheets."

"We've talked it over." Annie said, "And as much as I would love to go with you, I insist that you take Seven, my love."

_'Say what?'_

Alex didn't know what to say at first. Did she just suggest taking Seven with him? Of all people, his girl was suggesting he take another. He thought about it. Taking his greatest test subject to a party where all his co-workers would be watching? Where potential investors would be watching? What would his boss think?

_'Probably think I'm getting too attached and fire my ass.'_ He thought. Looking at the two he sighed, "It's a formal dress code. You can't wear your gas mask or military gear, Seven."

"We've talked that over too." Seven said, "Just give me zee address of your living place and I shall meet you there."

Alex didn't know what he was thinking when he did.

* * *

><p>He hated wearing formalwear.<p>

It was stuffy and a lot more constricting than his usual attire. But he had to admit, "I do look pretty damn good."

Alex smoothed out his usually messy brown hair and fixed his tie, "Fucking hate these things, feels like a damn noose."

After straightening his jacket and doing one more look over he walked into his kitchen, grabbing a shot glass and a bottle of cold vodka, _'One drink for the nerves. You've never seen Seven without the gear on. Wonder what Captain looks like beneath it all?'_

He knocked back the shot and shook his head, making another one. Just as he finished that one the doorbell rang, he was suddenly feeling nervous again, _'Get your wits together, Alex. It's only Seven.'_

He walked to the door and bit his lip, daring to open the door. His eyes widened at the sight before him. He was choking on the words he wanted to say.

"Ready to go?" Seven asked with a smile. That smile, it was the devil's grin but it was so…alluring. He shut the door behind him, locking it. He couldn't stop staring.

_'Tonight should prove to be interesting.'_

* * *

><p>"Alex, I thought you didn't have time for these functions." The blonde from earlier said with a bit of a pout, "And who is this? Is this what changed your mind?"<p>

Seven held out a hand, "My name is Seven. I work with Alex down in ANNET's core room."

The blonde's eyes widened, "Wait. Seven is…is a woman?"

Alex couldn't hide the grin on his face as he turned to his date. Seven was indeed a woman and a beautiful one at that. Dark purple locks that rested neatly upon her pale, bare shoulders. Vibrant violet eyes that held a glint of mischief. Her lithe body was wrapped in a beautiful black dress that stopped just at her knees. She was wearing a more formal pair of boots that stopped at her ankles.

_'Took me the walk here to accept the fact that she's a woman.'_ Alex thought. He went back to observing the interaction between the two females.

A smirk appeared on those perfect lips, "What? Shocked? Or is it what you would call…jealousy?"

The blonde's jaw dropped a bit, her eyes filled with anger. The Engineer had to chuckle at her reaction to Seven's words. But it was time to walk away before trouble started, he offered his arm out to her, "Come on, I'm sure there are better things to do. Good day to you, ma'am."

Seven laced her arm through his and followed him, sticking her tongue out at the blonde. Alex pulled her along with a gentle tug. She smiled, "So, is she zee woman who wanted to 'tumble in your sheets'?"

"I can promise you…she's just one of the many women I've turned down." Alex stated, "I hope your prepared."

"Well, it's like you told me, Mr. Engie." Seven said with that devil grin, "I'm zee luckiest human alive. I think I'll manage."

* * *

><p>"Doctor Gromov! I'm surprised you even came!" Alex looked up and saw it was the CEO, "You never did seem like the social man."<p>

"Well, someone managed to convince me otherwise." Alex responded as he sipped at the glass of wine in his hands, "I'm sure you remember Subject Seven."

"Wait, Seven's here? What you were you thinking bringing him?" The CEO asked.

"Her." Alex corrected with a smile. The CEO blinked, "Seven is a woman, sir. Don't look so shocked, I just found out before I came here. Ah, here she comes."

Seven was walking over to them, a glass of clear liquid in her hands. Alex couldn't stop himself from watching as those hips swayed with every step she took. She finally stopped when she was by his side. The CEO went slack jawed but he managed to compose himself, "So, this is Subject Seven?"

The purple eyed woman smiled, "I prefer just Seven."

"Well, this is truly a sight. I never thought that you'd be a woman underneath all that heavy gear." The CEO said, "Though I'm quite pleased to see someone putting the boot to Gromov's ass. Man needs to get out more."

Seven grinned as Alex shook his head.

"Well, you two enjoy yourselves." Alex's boss took Seven's hand and kissed it gently before walking away.

"That was interesting." Seven stated as she sipped her drink. Alex couldn't agree with her more, "I'll be back. Need to use zee ladies room."

He nodded and watched her go, only getting a bit worried when he watched a small group of women followed her.

* * *

><p>Seven was washing her hands when she felt a presence behind her. Purple eyes glanced up into the mirror and saw the blonde from earlier with about three other women, "Can I help you, ladies?"<p>

"Yeah, back the fuck off Gromov." The blonde spat out, "I don't care if you're the luckiest woman alive, he's ours."

Seven chuckled a little and sauntered over until there were only inches between her and the blonde, "You would like to think that, wouldn't you? That Mr. Engie is something to be owned. If anyone owns him…it is me. I'm am zee Captain and I will destroy anyone who tries to steal mein minions."

The blonde backed away but her glare remained, "Oh, you think you have wrapped? Darling, let me tell you something. The only reason you're around Alexander so much is so he can observe you. Find ways to manipulate your luck into our favor for this damn war."

Seven looked a bit confused.

"That's right, bitch. You're just a tool for the war." The blonde said. She didn't know why she was letting all these words get to her. But she had heard enough. With a glare of her own she shoved the blonde backwards into the wall and stormed out.

Alex had caught sight of the purple haired woman walking out of the bathroom and towards the exit. He practically knocked the chair and table over trying to follow her. He shoved past women and men alike trying to keep up, "Seven! Wait up! Damn it…SEVEN!"

It was snowing outside.

She made her way down the stairs and started down the street towards his apartment. He followed after her, "SEVEN! I DEMAND YOU TO STOP!"

She stopped dead in her tracks.

He walked up to her, grabbing those pale shoulders and turned her around, "What the fuck is wrong with you, huh? You were going to leave without telling me?"

"Why do you care?" She demanded, "I'm just a tool for zee war."

Alex stepped back, releasing her in the process, _'Where the fuck did that come from?'_

"Listen…come back home with me. We'll talk there." She didn't answer him, choosing to stare at the pavement. Alex thought he would have to carry her back to his apartment but she nodded her head. He removed his jacket and placed it around her before leading her away.

* * *

><p>Alex didn't know how it got there and didn't dare ask but he filled 'zee mug' with hot tea, <em>'What in the hell am I supposed to say to her? I've never dealt with an emotional woman!'<em>

He tried to think of what to say as he walked towards his room. Lying curled up on his bed, in a pair of his pajamas was Seven. She hadn't said a word and it was starting to worry him, _'She's usually so hyper and making ridiculous demand, hitting 'insubordinate minions' over the head. But that's how Captain acts. This is Seven.'_

It was like they were two different people.

"Here, it's tea." He held the mug out to her and she accepted it with a nod of thanks, "Seven, I don't know what they said to you but whatever it was…it can't be true."

"What am I to zee Good Directorate?" Seven asked as she stared into her cup. The Engineer sat up on the bed next to her.

"Does it matter what you are to them?" He asked.

"It does! Am I just zee tool for a war or am I something else?" She demanded. Alex didn't know how to respond to that. Somehow those nasty harpies worked their way into her head and fucked with her mind.

"You're not a tool to me." He said as he stretched out. He felt those purple eyes watching him so he turned and stared back.

"I'm just zee test subject…why are you being so nice to me?" She whispered, breaking their eye contact and placing her tea on the nightstand.

"Because I don't see a test subject." He responded. Alex reached out and grasped her face, "At work I see this bouncy, hyperactive Captain that demands the most ridiculous of things. You use a mug and its usually scorching contents as a weapon. But right now, I see a vulnerable woman named Seven."

"You and I both know that is not mein name." She said with a bit of a smile as she leaned into the touch.

"True enough but unless you can come up with a better name." He said. Amber eyes watched as she stretched out beside him, staring back at him. Her hands now grasped his, drawing patterns on his palm.

"What am I to you?" She asked. Alexander didn't know how to answer that. What was Seven to him? A project? A co-worker? Something more perhaps?

_'You know she could never be more.'_ He thought, _'You're too much of a cold hearted bastard.'_

He was pulled out his thoughts by a heat.

He looked down and saw Seven was now snuggled against his side. Fingers drawing patterns on his chest, "You're very warm…for someone so distant."

"Yeah, well…it comes with the job description. Being distant, I mean." He muttered as he wrapped his arms around her, _'Probably be the only time you have physical contact with a woman.'_

She giggled softly and looked up at him, "You lead a very odd life but that doesn't mean you have to be so isolated. From the looks of tonight, you could have any woman you want."

"I have you don't I?" He said but the moment his registered what he said he felt a bit stupid. He glanced down and saw those purple eyes staring at him with a pink tint painted across her face, "You can just ignore me."

"Normally I'd listen! But right now I don't think I should." She said as she pushed him onto his back. He was a bit startled as she climbed on top of him, "Got anything else to say?"

"I don't think I should open my mouth. Once I start…I won't be able to stop." He warned as he turned his head to the side, "But you are very beautiful."

So much for not saying anything.

"Do tell, Mr. Engie." Seven whispered as she leaned down, her body molding against his. Their eyes connected once more and his arms instantly wrapped around her waist.

"You are a beautiful temptation…walking amongst unworthy, power hungry men." He started as he buried his face into her neck. He planted gentle kisses, "The attire you wear hides your beauty from unworthy eyes, shielding you from the world around you."

"And what of you, mein Engie?" She whispered, "If I am temptation, what are you in zee horrible world we live in?

"Me? I am just another mortal man." He pulled away from her neck, "Trying not to give into the temptation of tainting some so beautiful, so delicate. So…I hope you can forgive me."

"What do you mean?" She asked. Alex didn't say anything as he captured her lips in a passionate kiss. It threw her off balance but she didn't fight it. Her hands grasped onto the fabric of his shirt. He sat up, bringing her with him and tore off his shirt. His clumsy hands worked to get hers off and with a little assistance it was soon on the floor. Her hands grasped onto his shoulders, nails digging in when he started kissing her chest. Getting a little daring she pulled him towards her, falling back against the bed so he was on top of her. She managed to squirm out of the pants, kicking them off the bed.

Alexander pulled away, "Seven, tell me now if you don't want to do this."

She said nothing as she pulled him down, pressing their lips together once more. Her legs made their way around his waist, his hands held her hips.

_'Merry Christmas, Mr. Engie…'_

* * *

><p><strong>End Note: <strong>*gets shot* …I know, I know!

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "D" by SoulxCyanide.**


	4. D is for Death

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, **LiquoriceLaw** and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by _SoulxCyanide_)**  
><strong>

_**Note from Soul: **I'm quite certain that all of the times I use "him" or "he", I'm referring to the protagonist. Long pieces of italics are most likely memories._

_This is my first time writing free-verse poetry; I'm so sorry if it's confusing._

* * *

><p><strong>D is for Death. Or Destruction. Or Deathday. Or Despair. Or Drowning. Or Damn, That's a Lot of Words<strong>

**xXx**

it would have been any other normal day.

if it hadn't been the anniversary.

it had happened

last year,

too; he'd done the

same thing,

the same day. Except last year

he had been alone.

alone and hidden, no one to hear

his sorrow.

but

now

when he'd tried to escape,

tried to be

alone, he couldn't have

gotten away.

he tried, dammit.

how hard he'd tried. But they'd

danced around him,

questions,

questions.

poking, prodding.

fighting back.

the hatred, the resentment, the grief.

trying to be alone, if only

for a day. He'd told them,

told them

just for this day, please

_please_, let him be.

he'd hated himself

for that, for having to

practically beg.

but he'd hated himself for so much more

than that,

on this day.

eventually

they'd left him,

marksman to his rounds,

aviator

to his worm.

he'd found a place to stay

alone

with his pain;

close enough that he'd walk back

tomorrow;

far enough that they wouldn't have

found him

that day;

far enough that they wouldn't have

heard his despair.

he'd curled up

on the ash-strewn floor

he'd let the hate

the anguish

the regret

he'd let it wash over him

intoxicating

crashing on his ribs

like waves against cliff walls

in a violent storm.

but this day he'd felt

like he'd

fallen backwards

into that ocean

and just like reality

he couldn't swim.

choking on despair

lungs burning from the abhorrence, he'd been immobile

from the regret.

the pain had washed over him again

_again_

he couldn't breathe.

his screams had faded

into silence

as memories resurfaced

pushing through

becoming reality

once more.

memories of childhood,

_as Mother had gone to the store,_

_buying flour to teach Natasha_

_how to bake._

memories of Natasha,

_begging to go along,_

_to learn the differences of baking products,_

like an overactive six year old girl

usually would.

memories of Mother

_asking if he'd_

_wanted to go along._

memories of

_refusing,_

_busy taking apart_

_a watch with screws the size of_

_pinheads, parts the size of_

_yew berries._

memories of

_an unwanted kiss from mother_

_hug from unwanted sister._

"_we'll be back_

_soon."_

memories

_of those empty words._ He'd clawed

at the air

rasping

for breath

begging them to come back

to not go

if only he'd said it

then.

how he'd soon realized

he'd wanted

that kiss

that sister.

how every day

for the next fifteen years

he'd wished he'd said

_goodbye._

_suppressing the loss, rising_

_through the ranks._

_creating_

_achieving_

_connecting_

_the world._

_failing_

_misreading_

_destroying_

_the world._

he'd stayed like that

for hours

fetal

weak

terrified

of what he'd remembered but

this happens

every year

but it had never gotten

any easier.

and then there'd been

a knock

ever so lightly

on the door

to his prison.

"Mister Engie?"

the voice had

said ever so gently.

gentle, something

that had never been heard

in that being's

emotion palette

before. he'd gasped, searching

for air

for composure.

it had been _Seven;_

the one who'd done this

who'd started it all. the man,

murmuring

askings and

sweet nothings,

coming closer

with every word.

"Go," he'd

breathed, trying

trying to get away.

the pain,

the emotions

had taken over

for that day

he'd been unstable

Victim to himself.

"Mein minion, why are you sad? Why are you cowering

like a frightened animal?"

he'd opened his eyes

at the insult.

he'd pushed himself

up, anger

taking over

his limbs

his voice

his mind.

it had been his chance

to vent to the Cause

to stop him from hating himself

inside.

it would have made it

better.

he faced

the Cause, releasing

the rage that he'd kept

inside.

screaming

kicking

cursing

lashing out

hadn't helped.

only made him remember that

he'd had

perfection;

it had been his

and how quickly it had slipped

from his grasp,

_like the life of his mother_

_like the life of his sister_

so many years ago.

how quickly his love had turned on him

_as she had gone from Neuronerves_

_to Neurotoxins_

once they had given Seven

_privileges._

and for that, he'd hated himself.

because he hadn't

_stopped them._

hadn't _bothered_

hadn't _paid attention to Seven_

_as he should have_

because it had been the one day he'd loathed

_it had been their Deathday._

and he hadn't bothered

_to check up on Seven_

_that day._

**xXx**

eventually

when he had screamed himself hoarse,

tears coating his face

just as blood had coated

the windshield

just as tea had coated

the server banks,

he'd collapsed, hitting the dust-caked floor

with his knees

falling on his side

trembling,

shivering,

cold sweats and sobs

racking his body.

and the Cause

the purple-eyed cause

that had so quickly turned his Heaven into Hell

just stood there

saying nothing

looking down

at where he lay.

which made him feel

weak

pathetic

inferior,

lying like a useless

damaged creature.

The fact that the purple-eyed man

was saying nothing

made him feel like he was

being mocked.

he'd stood up,

faced the so called

'Captain'

and jabbed him in the chest.

the man hadn't

moved.

"Go on!" he'd yelled. "Why are you just

standing there?"

he pushed the unmoving figure

standing in front of him.

"_Do_ something!"

the purple eyed Cause

had stumbled a bit

but continued to stare

unblinking

unfazed

almost…

curious.

they had stared at each other

stared for seconds

minutes

hours

eternity

he hadn't known how long

all he knew was that he'd broken

under the gaze.

"Something,"

he'd whispered

falling once more.

"Anything."

why wouldn't tomorrow

come?

why wouldn't they just

leave him alone?

the emotions that filled him

crashed

_crushed_

against his ribs

his heart

a trapped bird in a cage

being swallowed whole

by darkness.

footsteps

the movement of clothes

something sitting

close by.

his head pulled up and onto

a lap

his hood pulled down

goggles and mask

gently pried off.

a hand softly wiping

the sheen of sweat

from his brow,

his face.

his eyes,

he'd kept them closed

as he'd focused on

breathing normally

suddenly aware of how

tired he'd been

while he'd counted down the hours

to this day;

suddenly aware of how

damp his body

his face

his hair was

from tears

from sweat

it could have been anything.

the man had sat with him

as he'd calmed down

wiping his forehead

touching his hair

tenderly

tentatively

temperately

he'd not wanted this to end

finally realizing

as he'd drifted into sleep

why being alone

could be a bad thing.

**xXx**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Note from Soul: <strong>Please review!_

_**Further information:** I thought about the timeframe being two years since ANNET blew up, and 15 since his mother and sister died. I expect Gromov to be around 23 or 24. Is it a coincidence that these two events happened on the same day? Sure, why not._

_This probably goes with 'Anniversary' More than anything else… D:_

_Fun fact! This was written in the emergency room of my local hospital! My muse pops up in the most unexpected of places…_

_The mother and sister memory is loosely based off of a friend's experience when he was around that age. Natasha is a name taken from someone I know._

_And if anyone does not know, an asking is a question._

_I hope you enjoyed,_

_xoSoul_

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "E" by ****temarcia.**


	5. E is for Electricity

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, **LiquoriceLaw** and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by _temarcia_)****

* * *

><p><strong>E is for Electricity<strong>

The order was simple.

"Minions, find me electricity!" Captain had said, and here they were in a middle of nowhere, looking for something that didn't even exist in the wasteland anymore.

"What a waste of time…" the Sniper muttered under his breath, as he walked down the empty street next to the Engineer.

"That's not strictly true," Gromov began in his "teacher-voice", despite the fact he hadn't even been asked.

Snippy hated that stuffy tone of voice. It always sounded like Gromov was trying to make him feel stupid. "Here comes a lecture," he said, rolling his eyes.

Engie ignored his remark and continued. "It is perfectly possible to produce electricity. All we have to do is build an electric generator. It won't be easy, but I can do it. If you're not going to help, at least don't get in my way. The same goes for you!" Gromov shouted, as Pilot's skipping rope missed his face by mere inches. "Be careful, you pinhead!"

"_You_ be quiet, you-" Pilot was cut off as his foot got tangled in the skipping rope and he crashed to the ground.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Engineer commented.

Snippy eyed him angrily. "Would you stop comparing me to Pilot?"

Gromov pretended not to hear him.

"As I was saying," he went on like nothing had happened, "I might be able to build a generator, if we find the parts that I need. Just think of it, Charles. Think of all the advantages electricity would give us. Actually, this is one of the Captain's more reasonable orders."

"Hooray for the Awesome Captain!" Pilot cheered, and began singing his latest ode to Captain's wisdom. Snippy and Engie sighed and ignored him, knowing that there was no point in trying to shush him.

With the tuneless song as an accompaniment, they marched through the ruined city. Snippy couldn't believe that for once Gromov looked quite excited about the mission. Was he actually managing to appreciate someone else's idea? That was certainly something new! After all, the man was almost as egocentric as The Captain himself. Both were beyond annoying.

Making electricity might actually be a good plan, since Engie seemed agreed with the Captain on that. They could do with an electric light in their hideout, instead of burning candles all the time. Not that Mr Snippy had anything against candlelight. Not at all. The problem was that the candles kept mysteriously vanishing. Probably Pilot taking them for his secret shrine to the Captain.

Knowing how clumsy that idiot could be, he would probably burn himself alive one of these days.

It took some time for them to find all the necessary components, and for Engie to build a strange looking device. However, at last, it seemed as though they had succeeded.

The electric generator was ready to test.

Snippy didn't like to admit it, but Gromov was indeed a genius of some sort.

"So, how does it work?" Sniper asked, gaining interest as he admired the construction. It consisted of two bicycles connected to a box-like machine, which might have been an engine once.

"I'm glad you asked," said the proud inventor, as usual full of himself. "This is a human powered electrical generator. According to my calculations, we will be able to generate about 125 to 200 watts, which means… could you stop that!" he snapped.

Pilot looked at him, apparently unable to understand why he shouldn't be braiding wires.

"Why do I even bother trying to explain?" Engie sighed. "You two don't have to know how it works. All you have to do is pedal and make it work. I hope that won't be too complicated for you."

"We're gonna ride a bike!" Pilot exclaimed happily.

"Yeah, kind of…"

Sometimes, Dr Gromov wished he was a qualified babysitter; not a scientist.

"Well? Where is my precious electricity?"

Engie jumped as Captain popped up by his side like some kind of phantom. The three of them immediately turned to look at their leader.

"I…" Engie began, then corrected himself: "I mean… _we_ finished the device. We haven't set it in motion yet."

"I shall witness its initial activation. It better be working!" Captain demanded.

Snippy and Pilot took their places. They pedalled, and the wheels of the two rusted bicycles started turning. Gromov glanced at the machine. Everything seemed to be fine so far, but the light bulb on the top of the construction did not turn on.

Captain was not impressed. He tap his foot impatiently.

Engineer couldn't help but think of all those old lightbulb jokes.

_How many morons does it takes to turn on a light bulb? As we can see, a pair is not enough._

Using muscles should be easier than using brains. Still, those two were doing it wrong.

"Can't you go faster?" he said to his fellow minions. "The generator needs more power."

They did so, and after a moment a dim light appeared in the light bulb.

"That's it!"

Hearing Gromov enthusiastic about something was a rather rare experience, Snippy thought. He sounded like Dr Frankenstein when his monstrous creation had come to life.

The main part of the machine was placed behind the bicycles, so all Snippy could see was the building across the street. Their current hideout only had two walls, and no celling.

"Look, Captain. It's working!" Engineer showed the light bulb to the Commanding Officer.

The man glanced at it. Weak light glinted in the purple lenses of his goggles. "Make it brighter, Mr Engie," he ordered, with a tinge of dissatisfaction in his voice.

"Faster, guys!" Gromov commanded, evidently determined to please the Captain. Or maybe he wanted to prove his capability? Either way, Pilot and Snippy obeyed him.

They moved their legs as fast as they could. The old bicycles gave a metallic screech. The light got brighter, and Engineer smiled behind his gas mask. He was about to prove himself.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of smashing plastic. The next thing he knew, the bicycles were gone. The platform which had held them in place was broken in half. Snippy and Pilot careened sideways and crashed into the nearest building.

According to Engie's time, speed, and distance calculations - that must have hurt.

Engie was a bit scared that the Captain would blame him for this whole accident. In all honesty, it was indeed his fault. He should have attached those bicycles to something more solid. Well, Pilot and Snippy had been through worse. He guessed that they'd be alright. But still, they had obtained no electricity. The Captain had the right to be disappointed.

Engineer turned his head to their leader, uncertain what to say.

"You know, Mr Engie…" the Captain said slowly. "That electricity was truly shocking."

* * *

><p><strong>=8=8=<br>**

**NEXT CHAPTER: "F" by ****ItachiFangirlShay1133**.


	6. F is for Fire

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

**(this chapter by _**ItachiFangirlShay1133**_)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>F is for Fire<br>**

Burning, searing pain...

All I could feel.

Was this it?

Everything I was, evaporating into thin air.

A voice, deep somewhere inside.

A bright light. Yelling? But who's?

Was Captain going to find me? Or anyone for that matter?

No, they probably don't care.

How could it have gone so wrong?

**~OoO~**

Find Photoshop he said. Alone he said.

At least I was away from them, even if for a couple moments.

But moments became minutes, and minutes became hours.

Where could a giant worm hide?

I looked in a rather large bunker about the size of a football field.

And there was the mutant worm himself.

_'I should call it but what if- No I can't be thinking of that.'_

"Here Photoshop!"

My mistake.

He turned and knocked over something red on the table.

Its yellow content spilled upon the ground.

_'Wait, How had she gotten in here? She Doesn't like closed in spaces.'_

It hit me like a brick.

It was a trap.

A gunshot, an explosion, a scream.

**~OoO~**

_'Mein minion was taking forever to get back.'_

_'It was a simple task. Find Photoshop.'_

_'So what was holding him up?'_

I saw something that made me gasp.

Smoke.

And lots of it.

"Minions! We are going to investigate zee smoke!"

"Yes Captain!" Pilot said rather loudly

Engie stayed silent.

We walked for awhile, but suddenly Photoshop ran past us.

Engie spoke up. "Wasn't Charles supposed to be following him?"

My eyes widened a fraction. I turned toward the smoke.

Engie seemed to get what I was thinking

"We should get a move on."

**~OoO~**

I couldn't see, there was too much smoke.

The flames licked at my jacket.

I was getting light headed from lack of oxygen.

I stumbled a couple feet towards the exit and collapsed.

With all the strength I could muster I yelled,

"Captain!..." And succumbed to the darkness.

**~OoO~**

I wondered why that shoe wasn't after Photoshop.

"Hey Pilot look!"

We had reached the source. A warehouse had been set on fire.

"Why would someone want to do this?" Captain muttered.

Then we heard it. "Captain!"

Captain and I jumped in without thinking and looked around.

Photoshop was here, so that meant...

"Mein Snippy, where are you!" He said worry evident in his voice.

After a minute of searching for him, I found him.

"Captain, Engie!"

**~OoO~**

The burns weren't too bad thanks to his fireproof jacket so he regained consciousness in about an hour.

When he did he jumped onto the Captain.

He said, his voice muffled by the jacket, "Captain!"

Captain hugged him "Shhh. Mein snippy sniper. Its okay now."

* * *

><p><strong>=8=8=<br>**

**NEXT CHAPTER: "G" by SoulxCyanide.******


	7. G is for Grudge

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.**

**WARNING: slash.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by _SoulxCyanide_)****

* * *

><p><strong>G is for Grudge! (and giving in~)<strong>

**xXx**

I couldn't stand him on the best of days.

And today was no exception.

_He'd first woken me up too early, resulting in three hours of sleep on my part._

"_Charles. Charles, wake up."_

_I'd given a tired moan, rolling on the couch. I rolled too far and fell to the ground with a loud **thmp**._

"_Come on, Charles, get the hell up!"_

_There'd been a sharp pain in my side from where I landed on his boots. "The hell you want, Gromov?" I slur, exhausted and angry. Through hazed eyes I'd seen that his mask had been off and a cocky smile was playing at his lips._

_He'd crouched down, facing me. "I need you to help me with the rounds," he'd said. In a sarcastic tone, he'd continued, "because you know how terrible the monsters are out there, and you're the only one," he'd reached for my mask, "that can wield a gun."_

_I'd pushed his hand away roughly and stood up. "Don't touch my mask." I'd said, walking away. _

"_Take Pilot with you," I'd scoffed. "He's more than capable with his katana. He'll save you from those 'monsters'." I'd gone to fetch myself a bottle of fresh water, keeping my back to him as I'd picked one out of the rucksack it rested in._

_I'd spun around as I felt light pressure on my sides. He was there, hands lightly brushing the sides of my ribs. "But you're so much braver," he'd said, almost sarcastically, eyes mocking._

"_I bloody well said 'no', Gromov. You'd do well to listen, yeah?" I'd pushed him away gruffly, opening the bottle and removing my mask, bringing the bottle to my lips._

"_Well then," he'd said, crossing his arms. "I guess I'll just have to go ask Captain."_

_I'd choked a bit on my water. Between coughs and splutters, I'd managed to spit, "You fucking wouldn't," wiping my mouth on my sleeve._

_He'd smirked and run his hands up my chest before he'd walked away, leaving me to clean up the water mess with a heartbeat that fluttered like a shredded flag in the wind._

**xXx**

Not twenty minutes later, here I am, armed with my rifle and trudging through the wasteland. He walked fast, obviously keen to get to somewhere he knew of.

"Where the hell are we going, Gromo-"

He shushes me and continues walking. I let out an angered huff of air and walk in silence, though I make sure to walk as loud as I can. He glares back at me occasionally, so I keep it up, knowing it bothers him.

We walk deeper and deeper into the broken city, hating that I'd been forced to go along. I begin to debate on going back, leaving him there for dead with the mutated rats. I slow, but he notices almost instantly and falls back, matching my stride.

He grips my elbow and speeds up, dragging me along. "Look alive, Charles," He says in that smug tone, a matching smile ghosting his face. "We're almost there."

_Since when did I become Gromov's bitch? _I think bitterly. _Oh, right. I remember. I've always been._

Ever since that 'fateful' day of getting a job in his department, I've been the one to attend to all the things he didn't want to; whether it be paperwork, forms, or even just getting him coffee.

_And I hated it._

_And he knew I did._

Because it turned into so much more.

"_I promise it'll get better," he'd breathed, in nothing more than a whisper. "You'll love what I've got in store. No more tedious paperwork." He'd gently tapped my temple with a slender forefinger. "You'll soar through the ranks, with a brain like yours. You'll be working alongside me in no time, Snippy, I swear. All I've got to do is finish it." He'd crooned the words as his forefinger ran down from my temple, gliding across my cheekbone, my jaw, my lips._

"_What? What do you have to finish?" I'd asked, like a four-year old would when they'd had too much Red Dye 7._

_He chuckled quietly as he'd stood up. "You'll see, Charles. You'll love it."_

_And there he'd left me, to pay for undrunk, overpriced coffee in a stuffy, cramped café._

**xXx**

And that was how it began.

_Over the months, his common visits became sporadic, until they had eventually ceased. I saw him in the halls, in the lunchroom, occasionally in the office, with quick, longing glances. I noticed he'd grown restless. His cheeks had hollowed, limbs thinning as he'd gone without food so he could work on his 'mystery'. But, as deprived as he looked, the closer he got to the final product, the more prominent the glint in his copper eyes shone._

_And as I saw the finished product, I couldn't help but have a sense of pride._

_And as I found out that I couldn't connect to the servers, I couldn't help but have a sense of shame._

_And as I heard him say, "I'm sorry, Charles. It's just too minor of an issue, what with it being only one person who can't connect," to me in front of all the suited men and prepped ladies, I couldn't have a sense of betrayal._

_And as I watched him talk about 'his girl, Annie', I couldn't help but have an overwhelming sense of hate._

_He'd promised me the best._

_He'd left me for a machine._

**xXx**

_And then it had started._

_The nightmares. The headaches. The lack of sleep._

_And the hate was forever swelling in my core._

_The migraines and exhaustion I'd handled._

_It'd been the dreams I didn't understand._

_Seven. There'd always been Seven, he'd been in every bloody nightmare every bloody time. I'd never spoken to him in my life._

_He'd seen me once, through the window to his keep. Did he recognize me; did he know he was ruining what little sleep I got?_

_We'd stared at each other, curiosity in his eyes, anger and wonder in mine._

_And then, with a slam, a stack of paperwork was thrown on my desk and a man with copper hair rounded the corner._

**xXx**

"Here," he said, opening the door to a small bungalow. "There's stuff everywhere."

And so there was. We spent the better part of the day gathering and organizing it, deciding what would be the most important to bring back to the base and what could wait until the next time we did a round.

It was getting dark, and I was getting tired and becoming irate.

What started as his question was quickly given a snarky response, which in turn received an irreverent response…

It had gone on for minutes, and then he lunged.

We grappled, each momentarily getting the upper hand until we rolled again.

Eventually I stop, exhausted and panting, sweat pouring off me under all the layers. He has me pinned, knees straddling my hips and palms pressing my shoulders into the floor. He waits a moment and then removes his hands. I pull my mask off and he does the same, though he continues to keep his legs astride my hips. I bring a hand up to mop some of the sweat off of my face, but he grabs it, and looks at me with a smile. "Don't," He says, smile quickly turning to a smirk. "You know I love it when you're sweaty."

I give a shocked gasp and push him off of me, and I stand and walk away.

But I know he won't go away so easily.

Soon enough, he's wrapped his overly-slender arms around me, pulling me towards him. I try brushing him off, to no avail. He pins me to a wall, looking down to pull me closer.

_I hated how he was taller than me._

I lean back, tilting my head away. He grabs my chin with his thumb, index and middle fingers, pulling it back towards him. I remember when I'd longed for this; now, whenever it happened, I'd tried to escape.

But, like usual, I forget what was and what is and what will be and I sigh softly, my breath touching his lips as I lean into him.

**xXx**

It'd gone from there, as it always did, as it always will, for I know it would happen again, even if I hate him.

I really do. But I'm just a pawn in his sick game of release.

_Release_, that's what I'd convinced myself it was.

But deep down, I know better. I know I see the regret in his eyes every time I wake up tired, I knew the reason why one of ANNET's main colours was blue. I know he wished he'd acted sooner, that he'd admitted to his longing instead of hiding away.

He never told me, but I knew.

As we lay on the floor with his arms wrapped around my torso, I realize that he's not doing this in spite, nor in apology for what could have happened.

He was doing this because he wanted to.

And he continued it because he knew I felt the same.

I knew that deep down, the anger to him would always be there, it would be the reason for the bickering and the snide comments.

I would always contain a sliver of hate for him in my body, for what Hell he'd put me through. But I knew that, in the end, my heart would always get in the way.

* * *

><p><em>*O*O*O*<em>

_I always thought Engie was a skinny motherfucker._

_But yes, first I do a sad Engie, now I do a flirty, mean Engie! What's wrong with me? (Absolutely everything)_

_Please review!_

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "H" by ****LiquoriceLaw.**


	8. H is for Horror

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by _LiquoriceLaw_)****

* * *

><p><strong>H is for Horror<strong>

**This time, Snippy is the one with the plan.**

**It goes about as well as could be expected.**

* * *

><p>As silence fell and the flames died down into glowing embers there was a rather stunned silence around the campfire.<p>

Who knew Engie could tell such gruesome stories?

* * *

><p>Snippy stirred the ashes, trying to rekindle a flame. They were sitting in the middle of the main room of their latest base, a rather more open-air affair than usual; the Captain had decided they needed more vitamin D and no amount of arguing that the sun barely ever made an appearance nowadays - or that in any case they all wore protective gear from head to toe- would sway him. Still, it meant they could have a decent fire. And there were worse missions than "MANDATORY SUNBATHING", even if it did feel slightly ridiculous in a gas mask.<p>

This evening, after an uncommonly decent meal of tinned goods, they had somehow got to telling stories and the engineer had revealed a surprising flair for macabre narration. When he had finished speaking the silence returned with greater intensity than before. The ruined landscape with its jagged structures and deep shadows was never a comforting sight but now the flickering firelight gave it an extra level of menace. Snippy kept seeing movement out of the corner of his eye and making out terrifying shapes in the dark, and couldn't stop thinking about the alarming events of Gromov's stories. Someone outside the window- footsteps coming closer – the sound of dripping, followed by the realisation that _the rain had stopped an hour ago…_ He shook himself and went to join Gromov in the part of the ruin they had dubbed "the kitchen."

"Coffee?" The engineer was rummaging through boxes and rusty cooking implements.

"Yes please." Snippy hoisted himself up onto the mostly-still-standing counter. He was still seeing vague, threatening shapes everywhere and wished they had picked a living space with a few more walls. He studied the engineer's profile and tried to sound casual when he spoke; "I wouldn't have thought of you as a horror fan."

"I wouldn't call myself a fan, I just know a few stories." He poked at a caked block of instant coffee in the bottom of a tin. "It's unavoidable when you come from a place where four fifths of the rural population still believe in werewolves." He glanced up and Snippy could practically hear the grin through his mask. "I hope you won't lose any more sleep because of me."

"No," he said through gritted teeth. He wasn't _that_ scared. Unfortunately what with one thing and another he was an uneasy sleeper at the best of times. Tonight would probably be one of the times he only drifted off as the first rays of sunlight were filtering through the poisonous air…

"Bwah!" He yelled in alarm as he felt something grab his arm. He was so relieved when he realised it was just Pilot that it took him a moment to remember this was still not something to be encouraged. He tried unsuccessfully to shake him off.

"What's the matter with you?" demanded Snippy, freeing himself.

"The fire's going out," Pilot answered in a small voice.

"What are you, an infant?" he snapped, but felt somewhat glad to see Pilot looking as nervous as he felt. He went back into the open-plan sitting room and knelt down by the fire, Pilot breathing over his shoulder in an entirely unhelpful way. Evidently Gromov wasn't put on edge by his own stories, but Snippy and Pilot certainly were. And what about their leader?

The Captain had listened in silence before abruptly announcing that he was out of tea and setting out into the night (they had long since ceased asking where he found the substance with which he filled his mug. Beyond the fact that it didn't kill him Snippy had come to the conclusion that he was probably better off not knowing). If he was willing to head into the city alone, in the dark, merely for the sake of a hot beverage then, Snippy reasoned, he couldn't be ill at ease. But he had gone rather quiet, that wasn't like him. Perhaps he had been a _little_ scared… As Gromov returned and the sniper accepted a battered mug, the early stages of an idea began to form in his mind.

* * *

><p>He broached the subject a few minutes later, having sent Pilot into one of the more-intact neighbouring buildings in search of blankets. He had complained all the way, unwilling to separate from the others, but Snippy wanted him out of earshot as knew he was unlikely to be enthusiastic about his plan.<p>

Gromov didn't seem impressed either.

"You want to try and scare him."

"I think we can do it. Come on, it'll be fun. It's more than my turn to get one up on him."

The engineer shook his head. "Seven isn't afraid of anything. It's part of the superhero-superluck package. Danger doesn't even register with him."

Snippy let the word "superhero" go without comment. Much as he hated it, he wasn't particularly interested in having that argument again. "No, you're talking about rational fear. I mean the irrational kind. Doesn't that seem like the sort he'd go for? Like when he goes on about the universe shrinking. Or the death of rock and roll."

The engineer looked at him questioningly. "Rock and roll?"

"Yeah, that was a big worry for a while. Before you showed up. I tried explaining that it had already happened, but… it turns out that wasn't a productive use of my time."

The engineer stared at him.

"So your plan is to scare him with the "death of rock and roll"," he said, pronouncing the inverted comments with more force than was strictly necessary.

"No, that's – you're not listening." The sniper reached into his pocket. "Here's what I'm thinking..."

* * *

><p>Pilot took even more convincing, and he didn't even know the real plan.<p>

He shuffled his feet, hanging back, away from the darkness outside the leaning doorframe.

"Mr Snippy, I don't want to go outside. There might be ghosts out there."

"Don't be stupid. Ghosts don't exist." Although there might be worse things out there, Snippy thought as he peered into the murky darkness. Things that have an edge on ghosts in the sense that they aren't incorporeal. Like mutants. Or carnivorous worms. Or feral waste-landers. Or axe-murderers.

Axe-murderers? Really?

_Get a hold of yourself, Charles. You're starting to sound like Pilot._

He squared his shoulders and set out. Pilot bumped repeatedly into his back, apparently having decided he was more afraid of being left alone in the hallway than he was of going outside. They didn't walk very far from the doorway, stopping a few paces outside the building. Snippy helped Pilot get into his costume.

He wasn't happy.

"I can't see anything." He tugged at the covering over his head until Snippy knocked his hand away. "Why are we doing this again?"

"Because we need to protect the base. What if one of the people from Engie's stories came?"

That had the desired effect. Pilot drew in a terrified breath.

"We can't let that happen. So we need to scare them away." _Although I don't think anything would scare that guy with the meat hook…_ Snippy suppressed a shudder. "Raise your arms."

When he had finished he stepped back to appraise his work. Pilot was not quite the ghoulish masterpiece he had envisaged. The blankets and drapes he had found were tattered and moth eaten and dragged rather heavily along the ground instead of fluttering wraithlike in the air. The flashing lights of the smashed holo-projector Snippy had found earlier that day and fastened to his headgear gave the effect not so much of spectral lights as of a Christmas decoration. Overall he more closely resembled someone wearing an entire set of bed linen and a head torch than he did a haunting phantasmal vision. But it would have to do. Perhaps in the dark, with the element of surprise, it would just about work.

"Right, now you need to make scary noises."

"What? Why?"

"To scare the bad guys away," said Snippy impatiently. For a moment he experienced a weird sense of role-reversal. He knew the pained voice Pilot had used all too well, having been driven to use it himself more times than he cared to remember.

Pilot sighed heavily.

"Louder," said Snippy, knowing full well that it hadn't been an attempt.

It was kind of fun being the one to annoy Pilot for a change.

"Wooowooooowoooo." Pilot waved his arms diffidently.

"No, it needs to be more kind of… ethereal."

"Oooooo….?"

"No, that was worse. Remember when you had a splinter and Gromov took nearly an hour to get it out? Make that noise."

The wail which emanated from the covers hiding Pilot's mouth made Snippy start, then grin triumphantly. Perfect. It very nearly made up for the lacklustre outfit.

"Great. Just keep doing that."

He went to find somewhere to hide, somewhere he could watch what would happen next. He lost sight of Pilot for a moment and worried the idiot had wandered off to safeguard some other street at random – but then he made him out again, waiting obediently by the entrance to their headquarters, in the shadows where the returning Captain wouldn't see him until he was upon him. From this distance, the sniper observed with a touch of pride, he really did look rather ominous.

He took up his position and waiting, shivering with cold and anticipation.

This should be good.

* * *

><p>The Captain moseyed back to headquarters, humming Caramelldansen in between sips from his freshly-filled mug. He had reached the front of their living-quarters when he caught sight of a shape looming out of the darkness.<p>

"Who is zat? Did one of my minions come to welcome his Captain home?"

The figure turned to face him. The ragged edges of its attire rustled slightly over the grit-covered ground. A wavering light emanated from its head. It gave a low moan.

The Captain was unconcerned.

"A newcomer! Poor fellow, you must be cold. Come in, we have a toasty fire and a variety of tasty metal-coated snacks."

There was no reply.

"No? Zen begone from our house. We do not buy from door to door salesmen. Good evening to you." The Captain stepped around the cloaked figure, disappearing into the base.

Snippy hovered in the shadows a moment longer, incredulous, and then made for Pilot at a run.

"What the hell was that? You just stood there! How is that frightening?" Seething, he kicked at where he guessed Pilot's shin to be. "I gave you _one_ simple job to do, and you can't… even…"

He trailed off as the figure pushed back its hood.

It wasn't Pilot.

* * *

><p>The Captain had just settled himself back down when Pilot came in, having seen his commanding officer return from the other side of the building and decided that would be more than enough protection and that it was therefore unnecessary for him to be out any longer in these silly clothes in the scary dark. Engie was feeding some more chair-legs to the fire when they heard the scream.<p>

Everyone froze. Everyone except the Captain, at least; he kept turning the teabag he had on the end of a poker, ensuring it toasted evenly, with the apparent intention of eating it.

"What was that?" The engineer twisted and stared out into the night. With eyes accustomed to looking into the fire, he saw only darkness.

"Where's Charles?"

The Captain got to his feet, dusted off his coat and strolled towards the door at a leisurely pace. His minions followed nervously, Engie grabbing a burning brand as he went.

At first he couldn't make anything out. Then he thought he saw a patch of darkness shift and the white of the sniper's jacket came into view, falling to the ground with a faint thump. Cautiously, he followed the Captain over to him.

The Captain prodded him with his boot. "Get up, Mr Snippy. You'll ruin your clothes rolling around in the dirt."

The sniper scrambled backwards with a gasp. It seemed to take him a moment to recognise his crewmates. When he did he looked round in panic. "Where did it go? What was that thing?"

"What thing?" asked the engineer.

"Didn't you see it?"

"See what?"

"It was - it -" he shook his head, breathing hard. "It looked like - death."

Pilot squeaked.

"It was all dressed in black but under its hood it had lights for eyes and it was looking at me and I couldn't move and it was so cold..." He choked and couldn't go on.

The engineer held up his torch and looked around. "There's nothing out here." His fear dying down, he mustered some sarcasm. "You do know those were only stories, right? Teenage girls tell them at sleepovers."

"No, it was real! I swear…" The sniper's panting had turned to mumbling; he could see where this was going.

There was a loud shriek and they looked to see Pilot pointing at Snippy's jacket.

It bore the mark of a handprint, with long, thin fingers showing blackly against the white.

Snippy yelped and beat at it with his hand; it smudged and crumbled, coating his glove with a substance like soot. He stared at his hand, aghast.

It was the Captain who eventually broke the horrified silence.

He chuckled softly and pulled Snippy to his feet, steering him back inside. The sniper seemed too shell-shocked to protest being manhandled in such a way. In the hallway the Captain turned and leant in confidentially to address Pilot and the engineer.

In a perfectly audible voice, he announced -

"I think it is past Mr Snippy's bedtime."

* * *

><p><strong>=8=8=<br>**

**NEXT CHAPTER: "I" by n.s.c.m.**


	9. I is for Intruder

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by _n.s.c.m._)****

* * *

><p><strong>I is for Intruder<strong>

Snippy couldn't believe his luck; actually this was pretty typical of what usually happened to him. He spent hours scouring through the dilapidated remains of old grocery stores searching for any surviving cans of food that hadn't been outdated, leaking, or bulging with botulism. Today had been a rather productive day, too productive perhaps. He had amassed a rather sizable haul that he stashed away in an old rusted out car tucked away in an alley. Dropping a few more cans into the front seat after filling up the back it finally dawned on him. How was he going to carry all these back to the base?

Shutting the door and leaning against the car, he thought he remembered seeing an old sporting goods store a little way down the block. They might have some good heavy duty backpacks he could carry the cans in.

Jogging off to find the store he actually felt a little happy for once. Figuring out ways to carry back a surplus of food was one problem he was glad to have.

The sight he came back to almost made him scream in rage. The contents of various cans were smeared across the windshield and hood as some apocalyptic monstrosity lounged on the roof of the car, busily gnawing away at one of the cans. He stared numbly as the creature chewed the top off of what looked like a can of tomato soup and clumsily held the can in its maw before tilting its head back to pour whatever liquid was left into its mouth. Sadly not much made it as most of it dribbled down the side of its jaws. Once empty it dropped the mutilated can. It clattered down the windshield and bounced off the hood to join the growing pile of shredded tin cans on the ground.

Hours of hard work, wasted. If it was going to waltz over and steal the fruits of his labor it could at least have the decency to eat it all instead of haphazardly slopping it about all over the place.

If he had his rifle right then he would have shot the things head off by now; unfortunately Captain had taken it and hidden it away for the sniper to seek out for his amusement. He would settle for wringing this creature's neck for now and was just about to make good on this act. Snippy stopped when the creature's long, segmented tail snaked its way through the broken car window and speared a can with the gleaming metal blade attached to the end. Now gripping the can with metal claws it began chewing open the can with steel jaws filled with sharp metal teeth, as a matter of fact the thing was mostly made of metal.

Was it a robot, and if so then why was it even bothering to eat organic food?

_Wait, it couldn't possibly be one of them could it? _Snippy thought he once saw reports on experimental cybernetic bioweapons while working with Good Directorate but the subject matter was so controversial the proposed project was shut down immediately.

Sure enough Snippy could barely see the "G" logo stamped on the metal chest plate under the mess of food.

_Like controversy ever stopped the Directorate from doing whatever it wanted. They actually went ahead and made one of the damn things._

Either way this thing was dangerous and would most likely tear Snippy a new asshole if he tried to reclaim the cans. For now all he could do was stare forlornly as one by one the cans were slowly consumed and hope that when it was done that there would be something left for him to salvage.

"What an interesting beastie, do you think it would make a good pet?"

If Snippy was supposed to be surprised by Captains sudden and unexplained appearance he didn't show it, how could he when with each passing second another precious can was being greedily devoured by that crime against nature.

"It's eating our food," Snippy lamented quietly.

"I see." For a brief moment Captain simply stood there beside his sniper as the creature continued to feed. The dark violet lenses of his mask almost seemed to shine as he stepped forward.

"Then we must remedy this, come Snippy!" Captain then grabbed the coat sleeve of Snippy's jacket and rushed towards the beast with his trusty mug leading the charge as the hapless marksman was unwillingly dragged along, desperately trying to doge the scalding liquid sloshing from the mug.

"Bwah! Wait, Captain this is a very bad ide-"

"Hideous can opener!"

The creature looked up at the approaching pair, a leaking can still clenched in it viselike jaws. A threatening growl rumbled from its throat but Captain, either unfazed or completely unaware that they were dealing with a lethal bioweapon continued his march towards the intruder.

"I am Zee Captain, ruler of Captania and by right those cans you are currently desecrating are mein property!"

The beast responded by getting up on all fours, the tail and its wicked blade arching high overhead. With a menacing snarl it clamped down on the can crumpling it easily as if it were made of tinfoil. Yellow chicken broth sprayed in all directions before slowing to a steady dribble, running down the windshield to join the rest of the juices on the hood. Yet Captain still chose to ignore the threatening display and was now standing in front of the car. Tossing the ruined can aside the metallic beast slid down from the roof and onto the hood to face the Captain face to face.

Snippy finally managed to release himself from Captain's grasp and stepped back from the two. He couldn't believe they had gotten so close to it without being attacked yet. He could even see the little bits of alphabet shaped pasta clinging to its silver jaws.

"Captain you're going to get us killed," Snippy murmured but was quickly shushed by Captain.

The two adversaries stared each other down, somehow even managing to glare which should have been impossible when one wore a mask that showed no expression and the other's entire head was encased in a nearly featureless metal helm with only black Plexiglas covering the top length of its reptilian head. Rich violet lenses pierced into the endless black abyss. The intense energy passing between the two was almost palpable and Snippy stood there as if paralyzed. Watching, waiting to see who would strike first.

"Return mein property and remove your gluttonous face from mein lands before you are forced to face zee wrath of Captain."

Captain's voice sounded so cold and ominous to Snippy, it was so unlike him to be this serious and it sent chills down the sniper's spine. The cybernetic beast's only response was a single indignant huff in the Captain's face. Then all hell broke loose.

Like a flash of lightning the attack happened so suddenly Snippy didn't even have time to think about what just happened. The beast reared back on its haunches as scalding hot tea was thrown at its face and let out an ear piercing shriek that left Snippy's ears ringing.

Dumbstruck, he watched as the creature pawed at its face with those strange hand like paws. It didn't look like it was in pain; how could it be when its face was covered in metal and would have never even felt the heat of the weaponized beverage. It actually looked more shocked and surprised at such a brazen attack.

"What the Hell were you thinking! All you did was piss it off even more now!" Snippy yelled as he turned to Captain.

"Captain?"

Just as suddenly as he had appeared Captain was gone, he had shown up just long to turn an unfortunate situation into a much more complicated and potentially fatal one. Now Snippy was alone with an extremely angry bioweapon. Behind him he heard the sound of metallic claws ripping into the hood of the car, the metal screeched as it was violently pulled apart. He could hear glass shattering as the bladed tail thrashed against the car. Suddenly the chaotic storm of destruction ended, the silence was deafening and the sniper really didn't want to look behind him. For some reason he did.

He was face to face with the soulless black visor of the beast. Its shoulders heaved as it breathed laboriously; the entire engine block had been torn to pieces. With the car destroyed it now focused its wrath on the man in front of it. Just inches from his face the metal jaws parted and the creature let out another enraged scream. For some reason Snippy noted there was still some alphabet pasta stuck to its lower jaw.

"God damnit Captain."

This was that last thing he was able to mutter before the bioweapon leaped at him.

* * *

><p>Somewhere nearby Captain leaned against a decaying brick wall, seemingly oblivious to the marksman's pained screams. Idly stirring the tea with his straw, he was just a little annoyed that his bluff hadn't really worked but he guessed everything turned out ok. Snippy once again cried out in agony and the Captain finally leaned out to take a quick peek behind the wall. He promptly ducked back behind it.<p>

Now Captain stared off into space where he knew his sexy audience was watching him from.

"In zee post apocalypse it is important to know how to pick your battles." He mused.

"No, please, not that! Nonononono!"

_Crunch!_

"AHHGHH!"

The Captain stared into the swirling tea.

"And to run when proper distractions are applied."

End.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I don't own RA, just my oc the "Hideous Can Opener" aka Lamia.**

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "J" by ****eight 0f hearts**.


	10. J is for Judgement

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by _eight 0f hearts_)****

**A/N: Kinda worried this will be incredibly boring for anyone who's not into this sort of thing... but oh well. DX  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>J is for Judgement<strong>

"Silence!" Pilot shouted. "All stand!"

Engie grudgingly got to his feet as Captain strode into the courtroom, walking right through a large cobweb but not seeming to notice. The commanding officer paused in the middle of the room, turned, and gave them a sweeping bow before seating himself at the judge's desk.

"Greetings, everybody!" Captain declared. "Today I will be presiding over the criminal case of C vs Snippy. C standing for Captain, of course! You, my good jury," here he turned towards the eleven skeletons and Mr Kittyhawk, who were seated in the jury box, "will be making the final judgement."

_This is ridiculous, _Engie thought.

Captain leaned forward, pressing his fingertips together. "This trial is now in session!" he announced.

Pilot got to his feet. "Your honour, my name is Christophorus Hatchenson and I am appearing on behalf of the prosecution!" he said. "Mr Snippy has been charged with assault and inappropriate touching of a minor, the nasty jiggly slug!"

There was a loud snort from the back of the room, and Engie twisted in his seat. Snippy was seated on a rickety chair by the door. When Pilot turned at the noise, the sniper flipped him the bird.

Captain thumped his mug against the table. "Order in the court! Mr Snippy, control yourself. Pilot, continue."

"I've forgotten where I was up to," Pilot said. "Oh yeah. Today you will be hearing from two witnesses of the prosecution – myself and the victim of Snippy's most horrendous crimes. Uhh... I ask that Mr Snippy be found guilty of all charges!"

"Right," Captain said. He turned expectantly to Engie.

_This is so ridiculous, _Engie thought again, but stood up anyway. He cleared his throat.

"If it pleases your honour, my name is Alexander Gromov and today I am representing the defendant, Charles Snippy. As the prosecution has already stated, the defendant has been charged with assault and inappropriate touching of a minor. The defendant has also pleaded not guilty. As this is a criminal matter the prosecution is required to prove the defendant's guilt beyond reasonable doubt.

"The defence's case is based on two main points. One, that no such assault actually occurred – that Mr Snippy's actions were entirely innocent, and that the touch in question was not at all inappropriate.

"Two, that the victim is not, in actual fact, a minor, hence discrediting one of the charges brought against Snippy. I ask that you find the defendant not guilty.

"Before we begin," he continued, "I would also like to protest the fact that the representative for the prosecution is also a witness in the case. I feel this is inappropriate."

"Your protest is noted!" Captain said cheerfully, quite obviously intending to do nothing about it.

Engie nodded and sat down. He glanced over his shoulder at Snippy and in a rare moment of rapport, shot him a thumbs up.

"First witness for the prosecution?" Captain asked.

Pilot jumped up, bowed, and rushed out of the room. He returned a few moments later dragging Photoshop by her leash. It was a struggle to get her through the small doorway, and an even greater effort to squeeze her into the witness stand.

Finally the large caterpillar was squashed into the wooden box, parts bulging out everywhere and letting out rather strangled-sounding squeaking noises.

Pilot, huffing and puffing, returned to his desk. "Okay! Photoshop, please state your name and occupation."

Photoshop let out another strangled groan.

"She said she's called Photoshop and she is a caterpillar," Pilot translated.

Engie closed his eyes, unimpressed. _As if that caterpillar can actually talk, _he thought. _I'm not even going to bother to object to the fact that Pilot gets to translate._

"Photoshop, can you tell us what happened last Wednesday?"

Photoshop let out a low growl.

"I don't think this is going to work," Engie pointed out. "Photoshop can't actually _talk_."

Pilot whipped around to look at him angrily. "She doesn't need to talk, you jiggly slug! I can understand her! We have a _connection_."

"Nevertheless, I agree with Mr Engie," Captain cut in. "The translations are too round-about. However, the jury and I shall take the fact that Photoshop was not able to give her side of the story into consideration."

"Okay," Pilot said, sounding a bit disappointed. He led Photoshop out of the room and sat down again.

Captain turned to Engie. "First witness for the defence!" he ordered.

With a loud sigh, Snippy stood up and walked over to the witness stand. Captain threw a book at him and it hit him on the head.

"Ow! What is this?" Snippy asked, lifting the book gingerly.

"Zee Bible of Captainia. Snippy, do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth?" Captain inquired.

"Yes. This is a dictionary."

"Trivialities," Captain said, flapping a hand dismissively.

Engie stood up. "Please state your name and occupation for the court."

"Charles Snippy. I'm a sniper and... minion of the Captain."

"Right. Where were you at noon last Wednesday?"

"I was cleaning my gun when Captain ordered me to go and take Photoshop for a walk."

Engie: "Where were Pilot and I at this point in time?"

Snippy: "I don't know where you were, but Pilot had gone out some time earlier to do something for Captain. I don't know what."

Engie: "What did you do after that?"

Snippy: "I went and got her leash, and went outside. I couldn't see Photoshop anywhere."

"So what did you do?" Engie asked.

Snippy shifted in his seat. "I decided to just wander off for a while and pretend I'd taken her for a walk."

Pilot let out a loud gasp. "You disobeyed Captain's orders?"

"Hush, Pilot," Captain said, though his eyes remained fixed on Snippy.

Engie continued, "Where did you walk to?"

"The road leading down the hill from the building we were staying in," Snippy answered. "I walked for about ten minutes then I heard a noise."

"What sort of noise?"

"OBJECTION!" Pilot screeched, leaping to his feet.

Captain turned to him. "Eh? What are you objecting to?"

Pilot scratched his head. "I dunno, I just wanted to object."

Captain made 'sit down' motions, and Pilot obeyed.

"What sort of noise?" Engie repeated, shaking his head at the other man's idiocy.

"A sort of screeching growl, which I recognised as Photoshop."

Engie: "What happened next?"

Snippy: "I turned and saw Photoshop running away from Pilot. He was chasing her and waving around some red balloons. She was heading right for me and I thought I'd be trampled, so I ducked out of the way."

Engie: "Then what happened?"

Snippy: "Photoshop stopped next to me and butted me with her head. It nearly knocked me over, so I shoved her away, but I accidentally got my hand in her eye and she screeched. Pilot had come up by now and he saw me and got angry."

Engie: "Because he thought you had hurt Photoshop?"

"I guess?" Snippy said. "He let go of his balloons and they all floated away, which seemed to outrage him more, then he tried to hit me." At which point he cast an angry look towards Pilot.

"And what did you do?" Engie asked.

"I ducked," Snippy replied, "but I was caught off balance and I reached out and put my hand on Photoshop to steady myself."

"What part of Photoshop did you touch?" Engie inquired.

"Her left flank."

"OBJECTION!" Pilot screeched again.

"Yes, Pilot?" Captain asked patiently.

"Snippy is telling most heinous untruths!" Pilot accused, jabbing a finger in Snippy's direction. "He touched Photoshop's-"

"You can't object to that," Engie interrupted. "You can only object to questions that I ask, or errors in the way Snippy answers the question."

"Indeed, I shall disregard this objection," Captain agreed. "Snippy, remember that you swore to tell only the truth!"

"I _was _telling the truth," Snippy spluttered, but Captain just wagged a finger at him and gestured for the questioning to continue.

"What happened after you touched Photoshop?" Engie inquired.

"She swung around and knocked me over. I fell on top of Pilot, then he pushed me off and started accusing me of all sorts of things," Snippy replied.

"What sorts of things?"

"Stupid things, like losing his balloons and hitting him and hitting Photoshop and 'trying to steal Captain away from him', and he also called me several types of shoe," Snippy said drily.

Engie resisted the urge to snort.

"OBJECTION!" Pilot yelled.

"What is it _now_?" Engie sighed in exasperation.

Captain slammed his mug down. "Mr Engie, that was inappropriate. What do you object to, Pilot?"

"Mr Snippy is using indirect speech!" Pilot said smugly.

Engie floundered, caught off guard by the fact that Pilot had objected correctly for once.

Captain seemed pleased, which didn't bode well for the defence. "The objection stands; rephrase that, Snippy."

Snippy, who was most likely rolling his eyes behind his goggles, said, "He said: "_You're trying to steal Captain away from me, you stinky shoe, you horrid dirty sandal, you toe-jam-ridden sneaker."_"

"Did you respond?" Engie asked.

"No, I was a bit winded at that moment," Snippy said wryly. "Then Captain came up and asked what was going on, and Pilot told him... I mean, Pilot said "_Snippy attacked Photoshop and me"_, and then Captain insisted on taking 'statements', setting a date for the trial, and here we are now."

"Okay," Engie said. "I have a few more questions for you. Would you say that you were provoked to hit Photoshop?"

"Well, first off, I didn't _hit _her, I tried to push her away and accidentally got her eye," Snippy pointed out. "And even if I hadn't, she did head-butt me first."

Engie: "Exactly what part of Photoshop did you touch?"

Snippy: "Her left flank, about two feet down from her shoulder."

"And finally, what age would you declare Photoshop to be?" Engie asked.

Snippy tilted his head thoughtfully. "She's so huge that she must be quite old. I certainly wouldn't call her a 'minor'."

"Thank you, that's all for the defence." Engie sat down again.

Captain clapped his hands together. "Most excellent! Pilot, would you like to cross-examine the witness?"

"Yes!" Pilot leaped to his feet. "Mr Snippy, you attacked Photoshop and me and you touched her inappropriately! You just told a whole bunch of lies!"

"Objection," Engie said wearily, "Harassing the witness. Plus the glaringly obvious fact that that wasn't a question."

"Pilot, you have to ask questions," Captain clarified.

"Snippy, did you touch Photoshop?" Pilot asked.

Snippy: "Yes, I did."

Pilot: "You touched her on her posterior, did you not?"

Snippy: "No, I didn't. I touched her side."

Pilot: "The part you touched was closer to her backside than her head, wasn't it?"

Snippy: "Well... _marginally_, but-"

Pilot: "So how do you know that you _didn't_ actually touch her posterior?"

Snippy floundered. "I..."

"Ah-haaa!" Pilot crowed. "So you _do _admit to it!"

"I didn't admit to anything!" Snippy snapped. "No, I touched her side. I'm sure it was her side. Besides, caterpillars don't have... I mean, they..." he glanced towards Engie for help.

"Objection! Harassing the witness, again," Engie supplied.

Captain shook his head. "No, I shall allow this line of questioning!" he said gleefully. "Continue, Pilot!"

Pilot was practically radiating smugness. "You hit Photoshop in the face, didn't you?"

"Objection, leading question," Engie said.

"I will allow this question," Captain retorted, and Engie sighed. He was pretty sure that Captain was favouring Pilot's side over Snippy's.

"No," Snippy said. "Well, I sort of pushed her, but only because she was about to knock me over."

"So you did hit her?"

"I guess?" Snippy was weakening a bit. Engie gritted his teeth.

"You caused her pain?" Pilot accused.

"Not intentionally! Besides, she caused me pain first!" It sounded lame and they all knew it.

"Ha! Ha! You've just about admitted your guilt already!" Pilot said delightedly. "I have no more questions."

"Good," Captain said. "Mr Snippy, you may sit down. As Pilot is a witness and thus cannot question himself, I will be taking his statement."

Engie rolled his eyes at this horrific mangling of legal proceedings, and watched as Pilot moved up to the witness' stand and Captain took his place at the prosecution's desk.

"State your name and occupation, mein minion," Captain ordered.

"Christophorus Hatchenson! I'm a pilot and I'm your minion, Captain!"

Captain: "Tell us the events of last Wednesday?"

Pilot: "You sent me out on a mission, Captain! I was charged with locating more of the scarlet balloons with which to build a most glorious flying machine! I went out to find the balloons but while I was walking I heard Photoshop screaming!"

Captain: "What did you do?"

Pilot: "I ran towards the sound and I saw that nasty sluggish shoe viciously attacking Photoshop! He was hitting her in the face and she was crying out in pain!"

"I object," Engie cut in. "Pilot's statement contains opinion in regard to Snippy."

"I do not allow this objection," Captain said imperiously, and Engie rolled his eyes.

"Continue, Pilot," Captain ordered.

Pilot: "I ran to Snippy and tried to stop him! I grabbed his arm but he snatched the balloons and threw them all away! Then he pushed me away and grabbed Photoshop by the rump. She tried to shake him off, and he attacked me again! He threw me to the ground! Then you came up, Captain, and arrested this vile wrongdoer!"

"Objection," Engie said tiredly. "Opinion. Again."

"I do not allow this objection, again!" Captain said cheerily. "One last question, Pilot: Who's the most awesome Captain?"

"You are!"

"Objection on the grounds of irrelevance... you're not even listening to me, are you?" Engie muttered.

"Right!" Captain returned to the judge's table. "You may cross-examine the witness, Engie."

Engie stood up. "Pilot. What did you intend to do with those red balloons?"

"I told you already, the Captain was gonna build a flying machine with me!" Pilot said.

Engie: "When did you first see Photoshop that day?"

Pilot: "Umm... when I saw Snippy attacking her."

Engie: "You hadn't seen her previously?"

Pilot: "No!"

Engie: "You heard in Snippy's statement that he observed you chasing Photoshop with the balloons. Is this true?"

Pilot shook his head vigorously. "No, Snippy is a liar and a jiggly slug! You can't trust a word he says!"

"So you claim that you were _not _running after Photoshop that day?" Engie clarified.

"No, I most unquestionably was not!"

Engie smirked. "I put it to you that you're lying."

"I'm not lying!" Pilot protested. "Snippy's lying!"

"Why would Snippy say that he saw you?"

"How should I know what Snippy thinks?" Pilot cried. "He wants to make it look like I was the bad guy, but I wasn't! I saw what Snippy did!"

"I put it to you that you were chasing Photoshop because you wanted to tie the balloons to her."

Pilot laughed at that. "Don't be silly, Engie! How would I tie balloons to Photoshop? She's far too big!"

"You've done it before," Snippy remarked from the back of the courtroom.

THUMP, THUMP, went the mug against the desk.

"Order in the court!" Captain declared. "No talking from you, Mr Snippy."

"Exactly what part of Photoshop did Snippy touch?" Engie inquired.

"Haven't we answered this already?" Pilot whined, but answered, "Her backside!"

Engie: "Are you _sure _it was her backside?"

Pilot: "Yes, I'm certain! I saw it with my own two eyes!"

Engie: "Are you aware of the anatomy of a caterpillar?"

Pilot: "I don't get the question."

Engie: "Do you realise that caterpillars do _not _actually have, if you pardon the word, _buttocks_?"

Pilot: "..."

Engie: "How could Snippy have touched something that doesn't exist?"

Pilot: "..."

Engie: "I put it to you that Snippy touched Photoshop's side, and that you mistakenly _thought _he touched her posterior."

Pilot was shaking his head silently. "No, no, I know what I saw!" he complained. "Stop it, Engie!"

"Stop what?" Engie asked smugly. "Asking you questions? Revealing the truth?"

"Don't harass the witness, Mr Engie," Captain said sternly.

"I'm not," Engie shot back. "Pilot, when you ran down the road was the first thing you saw Snippy hitting Photoshop?"

Pilot: "Yes! Yes!"

Engie: "So, it is possible that Photoshop did in fact hit Snippy first, and you didn't see it happen?"

Pilot: "No, he attacked her!"

Engie: "You didn't answer the question."

Pilot: "What was the question again?"

Engie sighed. "Is it possible that Photoshop hit Snippy first?"

"No!" Pilot shook his head. "She wouldn't do that!"

"But you said yourself that you didn't see what happened before Snippy hit her. It's a possibility, is it not?" Engie asked.

Pilot was silent.

"My final question: How old would you say Photoshop is?" Engie asked.

Pilot bounced up and down. This, apparently, was a question he could answer. "Photoshop is young! She's just a minor!"

"But she's so big," Engie pointed out smugly. "Snippy has attested to this. Because she is so large, we must consider the fact that she has had time to grow. Hence she is an adult."

Pilot shook his head. "Nope, you're wrong!" he said happily. "Photoshop is young! She's a caterpillar, is she not?"

"Yes..."

"And caterpillars are butterflies when they're adults, but Photoshop's not a butterfly, so she has to be young!"

Engie was speechless, unable to believe that he'd been out-logic'd by Pilot of all people.

"See?" Pilot said happily. He turned to Captain, who gave an approving nod. "She's only big because she's mutated!"

"That's all for the defence," Engie murmured, sitting down.

"Right!" Captain declared. "We shall have a brief respite, then you may give your concluding statements."

Pilot jumped up and saluted. "All stand! This court is now adjourned!"

Engie flopped down in his chair with a sigh. Snippy came up and sat down next to him.

"Well that was... random," the sniper said.

Engie just shook his head. "You're morons, the lot of you."

"What? I didn't do anything!"

"This whole situation is ridiculous." Engie closed his eyes briefly. "I'm pretty sure we're not meant to talk to the witnesses until the trial is over."

Snippy snorted. "It's hardly a real trial, is it? Like you said: this whole thing is ridiculous."

Engie tilted his head back and sighed.

There was a moment of silence.

Snippy chuckled.

"What?" Engie asked, glancing over at him.

"You were getting so into it," Snippy sniggered. "With all your questions and cross-examining... _Caterpillars do not have, pardon the word, buttocks!" _he mimicked in a really rather appalling attempt at a Russian accent.

Engie scowled. "Do try to remember who's trying to save you from Captain's punishment here," he said crossly. "Besides, I hardly want to let myself be outdone by _Pilot _of all people."

"He really got you with that butterfly thing."

"You too," Engie pointed out.

More silence.

Snippy looked over to where Captain and Pilot were huddled together, whispering. He sighed.

"I'm just gonna hope that he doesn't give me a terribly ridiculous or painful punishment."

"What do you mean?" Engie asked, in genuine surprise. "We're going to win."

"No, we're not," Snippy said.

"Of course we are. We've definitely provided reasonable doubt."

"The Captain's not a reasonable person," Snippy said slowly, as though talking to a small and deluded child. "He'll find me guilty if only to annoy me for his own amusement."

"So what was the point of all this then?" Engie asked, looking around at the derelict courtroom.

"Captain's entertainment. You'll get used to it," Snippy added, deigning to give Engie a comradely pat on the shoulder.

Engie snorted. "The day I get used to that man's antics is the day I turn mad along with the rest of you."

A loud clap from Pilot caused them to rise to their feet as Captain re-entered the judge's box.

"This trial is almost over!" Captain declared. He was leaning back in his chair, his feet up on the desk in front of him. "Zee jury has now heard from witnesses of both sides. It is now time for the closing statements! And then... the _verdict_." His goggles seemed to glint ominously as he fixed Snippy with a piercing stare.

Pilot stood up. "The vile slug has testified that he struck Photoshop a blow, touched her and expressly disobeyed Captain's orders! For these despicable wrongdoings he must be found guilty!"

And with that, he sat down again, after what had likely been the shortest closing statement in the history of closing statements.

Captain nodded agreeably. "And you, Mr Engie?"

Engie stood up. "This case should never have come to trial!" he declared, going off the typical courtroom-cliches. "The prosecution has not provided a shred of credible evidence. All they have to go off is the word of an unreliable, obviously biased witness.

"The defence admits that the prosecution has successfully proven that the victim, one Miss Photoshop, could indeed be considered a minor, however, as Photoshop is not a human, I do not believe that we can apply human concepts, such as "age", to her. Moreover, assault is generally considered a physical attack on another human being. As Photoshop is not a human, a charge of "assault" is not appropriate.

"I have already established that the anatomy of Photoshop does not allow for a charge such as 'inappropriate touching' to be laid against Snippy.

"There has been some confusion as to the events of last Wednesday. Under cross-examination Pilot was unable to state whether he was definitely sure that Snippy had attacked Photoshop without provocation. Furthermore, Mr Snippy's statement provided an entirely different side of events – one that indicates that Photoshop did, indeed, attack him first, and that any pain caused to her was entirely by accident.

"Based on these facts, I believe that we have definitely provided reasonable doubt as to whether the crime actually took place, and I ask that you find the defendant not guilty."

Engie felt undeniably smug as he sat down again, pleased with himself for finding such words. No matter what Snippy said, he was certain that they were going to win the case.

Captain was nodding to himself thoughtfully. "I will now confer with the jury!" he said, and wandered over to sit down with the skeletons and Kittyhawk.

Pilot wandered over to them and plonked himself on the desk in front of Engie. "Snippy," he announced, "You are now going to pay for your crimes!" He then proceeded to break into maniacal laughter.

Snippy just shook his head and sighed. He turned to Engie. "What are you so pleased with yourself for?"

Before Engie could reply, there was a shout of outrage from the jury box. They all looked up just in time to see Captain kicking one of the skeletons out of its chair, sending bones flying everywhere.

"What do you mean, 'obviously biased'?" Captain bellowed. "Would anyone else like to start calling me names?"

"Is he talking to the skeletons?" Engie asked incredulously.

Snippy sighed. "Yeah. He does that."

"Why, you boob! You utter tit!" Captain smashed another of the skeletons and a shower of teeth flew through the air and rained down on Snippy.

"That is it! Zee Captein does not have to take this from you!" Captain tipped over one of the skeletons' chairs, starting a domino effect that knocked the rest of them over.

"What's wrong, Captain?" Pilot called.

Captain marched down and flung himself onto the judge's throne. "Half-baked ninnyhammers, the lot of them," he said in disgust. "Can you believe he had the nerve to question why I was not wearing a judge's wig? Is zee Captein's epic hat not enough for him?"

"Captain's hat is the epicest of them all!" Pilot said dutifully, then made some annoying 'nah-nah-nah' noises in the direction of the fallen "jury".

"Quite right, mein minion, quite right. Tell that to him over there," Captain said a bit grouchily. "This is no longer a jury trial. They are obviously not capable of rational thought."

"I should think not," Engie couldn't help saying, "considering they are dead."

The Captain turned slowly towards him and sat, staring at him for a long moment. Engie shifted uncomfortably, beginning to feel a slight sense of dread.

"What he means is, your word is greater than all twelve of them combined," Snippy said, and Captain seemed pacified, turning away and gazing off in another direction.

Snippy whacked Engie on the shoulder. "You owe me one," he muttered, and Engie could only nod mutely. _I guess sometimes you just have to humour the madman._

"Quite right, Mr Snippy," Captain said finally. "In fact, because you have acknowledged my greatness, I shall give you a lenient sentence. 100 hours of community service!"

"What constitutes community service?" Snippy asked.

"Many things," Captain replied ominously. "Including, but not limited to, cleaning out Photoshop's litter-box, carrying the Captain whenever he is tired, digging a latrine in our new hideout, and spit polishing your Captain's shoes."

"Okay," Snippy said slowly. He seemed reasonably pleased.

Engie didn't want to think about what sort of things Captain had been making him do if spit-polishing shoes was an improvement.

"Are we done then?" Pilot asked, sounding bored.

Captain jumped to his feet with an emphatic nod. "Yes! This court is dismissed. It is now tea time." He tipped his mug upside down and frowned when only a single drop fell out. "Definitely tea time."

Snippy stretched, the joints in his back popping alarmingly. "Glad that's over with."

"Is this the sort of thing you lot do all the time?" Engie asked.

Snippy snorted. "You mean waste time doing pointless things for Captain's entertainment? Pretty much."

The two of them headed for the door, but Photoshop was blocking their way.

"Move," Snippy said, pushing at her.

Pilot let out a nearly inhuman screech. "Captain! Captain! Did you see that? He touched her inappropriately again!"

Captain whipped around in time to see Snippy snatching his hand back. Striding across the room, he grabbed the Sniper by the shoulder and pushed him against the wall.

"Mr Snippy, you are under arrest..."

Engie couldn't help but face-palm.

_Here we go again._

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. Be brutally honest with me, folks. I can take it.<strong>**

**A/N: Look at those horribly mangled courtroom proceedings! My legal studies teacher would weep in despair.**

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "K" by Schizo zee Techie**.


	11. K is for Kleptomaniacs

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by_ Schizo zee Techie_)****

**Note from Zee Techie:** I thought about this while talking to Soul and that's when my previous idea for this story went out the window.

**Thanks to:**SoulxCyanide for giving me this idea and allowing me the use of her lovely OC, Cyanide.

**Warning:** There will be violence/action and language. *laughs*

* * *

><p><strong>K is for Kleptomaniacs<strong>

'_Was it always this hot?'_

The Technician groaned as she continued to walk along the broken road. The pavement was melting in the heat causing her boots to stick every so often. She'd shake it loose and then push forward. Every now and then she felt something moving against her back, reminding her of why she was sweating so much. A glance over her shoulder allowed her a brief look of her companion.

Her name was Cyanide and she was a dagger wielding woman who had a love for tea. Somewhere during their adventure of finding a new base the woman had wandered off because she saw a mutated cat that had four tails. She insisted that it come with them. That encounter resulted in her having a sprained ankle and Techie having to carry her, "I hope you know that I demand compensation later."

"I'll make some tea when we get to a new base," Cyanide responded as she started playing with the zipper of the tech specialist's sweater, "I promise not to blow this one up."

Techie shook her head and shifted Cyanide's weight a bit until it was more comfortable. Carrying a fully grown woman, a heavy gun and three messenger bags wasn't exactly the easiest task but she knew it was necessary, "This coming from the woman who blew up our last three bases."

"Hey!" Cyanide pouted, "They deserved it."

The gun wielder actually stopped in her tracks.

"How…what the hell did our bases do to deserve getting blown up?" She demanded. "We had a roof over our heads and a vantage point to kill intruders! Okay so there were a lot of holes but it's better than nothing!"

"They were too small," The dagger specialist said proudly, "I couldn't start a fire to make our tea or make any kind of fire!"

The Technician shook her head and decided it best to keep moving unless one of those sharp knives end up in her side, _'Note to self…if we ever find a civilization, get Cyanide a degree in pyrotechnics.'_

"Hey Techie," The woman in question tilted her head in acknowledgement, "Where the fuck are we?"

"I haven't the slightest idea, Cy," she responded, "But wherever the hell we go, don't blow it up unless we're in absolute danger."

"Got'cha," The pyromaniac responded happily.

The walk continued in silence and when the Technician assumed that her friend was out cold, she was proven wrong.

"Look! Look, look!"

Techie had to fight to keep her balance as Cyanide bounced happily, pointing ahead. She looked ahead and saw what the excitement was about. Up ahead was a building and out in the front was a flag. On the flag was a mushroom cloud shaped like a heart. The base was obviously occupied, "We can't go in there, Cy. We'll get fucking killed!"

"No but we can always make camp nearby and…" The pyro took a moment's pause and grinned, "We can acquire some supplies from them."

The Technician knew where Cyanide was going with this and at first she didn't like the idea of sneaking into another base. But she quickly realized they might not have a choice in the matter. Her companion needed some form of medical treatment and her supplies were running thin from their previous adventures.

'_Like that nice scar you have on your stomach. Good job sewing your intestines back into place.'_ Techie thought with a grim smile as she recalled the incident, _'Or when Cy nearly blew off her own arm because she just HAD to play with the new grenades.'_

She was pulled from her thoughts when Cyanide decked her over the head, "Ow! What the fuck was that for?"

"Well, pay attention and look!" The woman pointed out. Techie looked out and saw another building, "It's a perfect distance away from this one."

"Yeah and if you keep shouting like that we'll look like the dead bodies we've been walking over for the past half mile," the Technician said with a chuckle. Cyanide made a noise that wasn't human and whacked her companion upside the head causing Techie to laugh harder.

This was going to be a fun adventure.

…

The base was bigger than their previous ones. A lot more space to move around and stretch out. Techie found a stable rock and set Cyanide down, "Now stay here. I'm going to go scope out that other base. Try not to move around so much, alright?"

"Oh please, when have you known me to do something stupid?" The female asked as she reached into one of the bags and pulled out a little pot. Their goggles briefly connected, "Oh come on! I'm not that bad!"

"Cy, just…just stay here and make tea," the Technician said as she grabbed her gun and a bag to carry spare ammo, "I'll be back in a few."

"Do you want radiation in your tea?" The dagger wielder called out.

"Put whatever the hell you want in it!" The technical specialist yelled back, "Just make sure it won't kill me upon consumption!"

Cyanide giggled as she pulled out a lighter and some gasoline. She lowered herself to the ground and started making a fire. She stared at the shiny, blue lighter in her hand and her giggle turned into a slightly evil laugh, "And to think, I have about ten more of these babies. Oh Tech, when will you learn?"

…

She felt a shudder go down her spine.

'_Cy's talking about me again.'_ The Technician thought, _'Or it's a good time to get into real estate. Though I'm not really sure where I would go with the second one. All the houses around here suck…not to mention the radiation lowers the value.'_

When the flag of the base was within her sights she noticed a rather large, mutated creature guarding it. With a slight cringe she started to look for a way in. She spotted a window leading to the second floor above what was possibly their base. Quietly she walked over to the building and started climbing. Her foot slipped and some rubble went crashing to the ground.

She heard voices from inside.

"What was that?"

"I don't know, go check it out! You're the one with the gun!"

"Send him! He's got a fucking sword!

"Now minions, there is no need to fight. I shall check it out."

She heard footsteps coming closer to the entrance and hauled ass upwards, when she grasped the edge of a window she pulled herself up quickly. By the time the footsteps had drawn closer she was already prowling the second floor. Up ahead she saw a small light emitting from a hole, _'Jackpot.'_

Careful about where she stepped she walked towards the hole and peered down. There was a little fire with a pot of what looked like baked beans cooking, _'I'll never be that desperate. The day I eat baked beans is the same day I'll consume neurotoxins.'_

Near the fire was an open knapsack and inside was a small white box, _'First aid kit, just what the good medic recommends.'_

She thought about how to lure the occupiers out of the base and smirked. Making her way back over to the window she noticed the giant worm was pacing viciously. She reached down and picked up a small rock and whipped it, startling the worm. Throwing another one caused the worm to let out a terrifying roar and when she threw one final one the worm tore off into the wastelands.

"Photoshop?" One the voices cried. She held in her giggles as one of the survivors ran after the mutated worm, "Photoshop! I'm sorry, come back! We can work this out! There is no need to orphan Mr. Kittyhawk!"

"Hatchenson, where the fuck are you going?" Another voice shouted. This one sounded slightly familiar but she brushed it aside, "Great, he's gone."

"Then we will go after him." Another voice said. This one had a German accent, "Onward, Mr. Engie and Mr. Snippy!"

She watched with great pleasure as they all headed into the night after their companion. With quick haste she ran back and leaped down the hole without a second thought. The first thing she grabbed was the first aid kit. Scrounging around there wasn't much else that would be of use.

She was gone before they returned.

…

"I hope you know how crazy you are," Cyanide said as she stared down at the technical specialist. Hands that were usually hidden beneath black mittens were exposed to the air, revealing scars and marks. They were gently working on setting her ankle straight, "You listening to me?"

"I can hear you loud and clear, Cy," Techie responded, "I'm not deaf... yet."

Cyanide chuckled as she sipped her tea, "I'm aware but at the rate we're going you'll be lucky to have your hearing past the age of 40."

"Don't worry about me," the Technician commented as she pushed the boot back onto her companion's foot. "Don't strain yourself walking or else you'll have bone tearing through muscle and skin. Then I'll need to stitch it."

"It's scary that you know that," Cyanide stated as she took another sip.

"Aside from being a technical specialist…I was a medic back at the G-Directorate," She answered as she grabbed her mug of tea, "But we won't get into that now will we?"

"Damn straight," Cyanide said, "Now fork over the hoodie!"

The Technician shook her head as she removed the teal sweater and tossed it to her companion, "You know one of these days I'm going to get you your own god damn hoodie! I'm going to freeze or mutate, whichever comes first."

"Knowing you, mutate," Cyanide said as she tucked the hoodie under her head and laid back, "It's rather comfy and smells like fire!"

Techie shook her head and rose to her feet with gun in hand. "Try not to burn it while I'm on watch, Cy."

"No promises!"

…

The stealing continued for weeks and every night she went on watch she could hear them complaining about how they lost all their belongings. But every night she went on watch she heard that Russian accented voice. It sent a flood of memories through her head but she would shove them aside and tell herself that that part of her life was over.

_He's most likely dead anyway.'_ She thought to herself. The sound of footsteps tore her from her thoughts. When she turned she saw Cyanide standing there, "What's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted to come out here," The dagger specialist said as she took a seat next to Techie, "It's nice out. Hey, do you remember…when we first met?"

The Technician chuckled, "How the hell could I forget? You stuck a fucking knife in my back!"

"You shot at me!" Cyanide shot back. She looked up and noticed something, "Hey…where did you get that fashionable hat?"

The Technician averted her gaze upward and a grin appeared beneath the gas mask, "During the last raid I took this hat right off their leader's head, too easy."

"Lucky, all I got was this jacket!" Cyanide said as she looked down at her 'new' black/white, G Directorate issued fireproof jacket. She had participated in the last few raids in the past week, "And that was because the idiot who owned was dumb enough to take it off."

"It's still a pretty nice coat," Techie commented, "Now you can dive into fires and not get hurt."

Cyanide let out a big cheer.

…

"That's them," The marksman stated as he watched the two girls through his scope, "That bitch has my jacket!"

"Silence, Mr. Snippy!" The Captain demanded, "They have mein hat! That is priority!"

"Not to mention all our supplies," The Engineer put in, "We have to get our stuff back, Captain."

"We get your epic hat and Mr. Kittyhawk first, right Captain?" Pilot asked.

The man called Captain nodded his head in agreement, "We'll get everything back, mein flyer. We'll also teach zee little thieves what happens when you steal from zee ruler of Captania and his minions. March on!"

For once, the minions didn't question their leader and pressed towards the opposing base with their Captain following close behind.

…

Cyanide stopped laughing, "Hey Tech…?"

"Yeah, Cy?" The Technician whispered.

"You ever get the feeling that…you know, we're not alone?"

"Sometimes…but right now, I'm feeling a bit…watched," She responded, "On my count or yours?"

"Let's go with mine," Cyanide said as she pulled a grenade from her pocket, "Fire in the hole!"

The woman tossed the grenade to her left and dove out of the way. Techie followed suit and hid behind a rather large rock.

"Bwah!" One of the voices cried, "They've got grenades!"

"Damn it! Fire back at them, Charles!" It was that Russian voice again. The Technician was getting sick of hearing it. She adjusted the hat on her head and readied her gun.

"You're going down first, asshole…" She growled under her breath, "Cy, you still alive and or in one piece?"

"Do both count?" The woman said as she kneeled next to her companion, daggers at the ready, "Let's take care of the idiots and we can just move into their base."

The two females rushed out from their hiding places. Techie fired a couple of fire rounds and upon with colliding with any solid surface they exploded, allowing a bit of a smokescreen for cover. She heard footsteps approaching fast until a man stood before her.

It was the man that chased after the worm.

"Hold still, you shoe!" He yelled as he unsheathed his sword, "You stole from the great and mighty Captain!"

The Technician didn't know what to do as he charged at her. She wasn't a close combat fighter and she wasn't armed for it either. But before the sword could even strike at her, she saw Cyanide intercept it. The katana was being held off by the two bone-handled daggers, "Get the fuck out of here! I'll handle this idiot!"

"That's my jacket!" Another voice joined in. The two girls looked up and saw a marksman standing on a rock with an automatic rifle in hand, "Give it back!"

"Aw, but I've come to like it!" Cyanide responded in a sweet tone. She shoved the katana away and started attacking at the swordsman with quick, precise stabs. They were locked in a battle of speed, both causing damage to the other.

The Technician continued to press forward, taking cover behind a rock. She peered over and spotted another figure. He was keeping to the back and armed with a pistol. He wasn't even holding it properly. A smirk graced her lips as she took aim, "Say goodnight, you bastard."

"Gromov, she's at your right!" A voice yelled. The technical specialist stopped dead in her tracks when she heard that name. She didn't even notice the pain coursing through her body or hear the scream coming from her companion.

'_He's…he's alive…?'_

…

When she came to she noticed a few things. First was that her goggles and gas mask were missing. Second was that Cyanide wasn't wearing her gas mask or goggles. Those silver eyes were staring down at her, a small smile on her face, "About time you woke up."

The Technician sat up, noting the pain in her gut, "Tell me that my intestines at least stayed inside my body this time."

"They're still in there but they have a new friend in there now called a bullet." The woman responded almost cheerfully. Techie could tell she was trying to make light of the situation, "These boobs don't know what they're doing."

"Wha..?" The Technician looked over and saw three pairs of eyes staring at her. But her teal irises connected with amber. She could have sworn she saw a smile on his face but it vanished quickly.

"Why were you stealing from us?" It was the marksman, the man with blue eyes.

"We needed supplies and you guys were conveniently located next door," Techie responded, "It's like borrowing a cup of sugar without asking."

"You didn't steal sugar! You stole Mr. Kittyhawk and Captain's epic hat!" It was the man with green eyes. He had a slight pout on his lips as he hugged a plush puffin close to his chest. Cyanide and Techie remained silent. The man with amber eyes was about to speak up but someone beat him to it.

"Listen here, little thieves…I am zee Captain," a man said as he paced back and forth, "And you have stolen from us! There needs to be punishment. What do you think I should do with you?"

"Let us go and forget you ever saw us would be lovely," Cyanide said with a grin.

"That is ridiculous!" The Captain yelled, "Do you think I was born ten years ago!"

"Then let us join you."

All eyes except Cyanide's zeroed in on the Technician, "And why would I do something like that?"

"Cy and I are experts in certain areas you all lack," the Technician said with a smirk, "I'm a trained medic and expert technical specialist. Cy here…"

"I can make bombs, plus I know how to make a wonderful pot of tea!" The pyromaniac said cheerfully.

The Technician smiled, "So what do you say? Let us join you and she won't blow this place sky high."

The Captain stepped forth, "You steal from mein minions and me. You injure us and now you ask to join mein ranks?"

"Well it's your choice really. You can keep your silly base in one piece and let us join you or…we can all go to space," Cyanide said almost cynically.

The Captain looked the girls over before walking away, "Consider it done! Start making tea, mein mug is feeling lonely!"

* * *

><p><strong>End Note from Zee Techie: <strong>*dead* This was worse than the Christmas one! *pouts* I need to stop writing…. x_x

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "L" by n.s.c**.**m.**


	12. L is for Loss

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

** Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by_ n.s.c.m._)****

* * *

><p><strong>L is for Loss<strong>

He had happened upon the room by pure chance. The Captain's disappearance had put the Engineer on edge. That man was the key to his survival and it was only a matter of time before some hazard of the wasteland would claim his life. Surprisingly it just took a few hours to locate him and Gromov was sure it was only because of the luck that Captain seemed to rub off onto others. He found Captain holed up in a mostly collapsed building, the only part that remained intact was a small dark room. Breathing a sigh of relief he was about to enter the room to reprimand the man for disappearing for without a trace for days but stopped, his boot hovering just over the threshold. Captain's purple lenses glinted from the darkness. Gromov backed away. He never entered the room.

And Captain never left.

The engineer left the man alone; he had hope that eventually Captain would come out on his own. Each day Gromov would come to the room but the Captain never moved from that spot. How that man was able to stand there for days on end without food, water, sleep, or even moving at all, boggled the engineers mind. Then again, this was Subject Seven. The luckiest man in the world, the one who existed outside the laws of practicality. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the rest of them.

Three weeks had passed and the engineer came by the room for the last time with Pilot in tow. Gromov approached the doorway with a bag that had been emptied of shoes and repacked with whatever meagre supplies he could find slung over his shoulder. The Captain's tall form hung back in the darkness; he still had not moved.

"We're leaving."

The Captain's head snapped up, probably the fastest the engineer had seen him move in these past weeks. Gromov continued before Captain could object.

"I don't know how long you plan to stay in there but we have to move on. There is no food or water here. I know you'll be fine but Hatchenson and I can't stay here any longer."

The engineer was not sure if the Captain had heard him or not, he kept staring off into his own little world that only he could see. He stood there like a dark statue with the rasping hiss of his respirator echoing throughout the dark room around him.

_So you're not going to say anything? No objections? No threats? You're going to let us leave just like that?_

He had really hoped he would say something, anything. It was unnerving to see that egomaniac just quietly accepting that they were leaving him behind. It did not matter to the engineer anymore, he had said what needed to be said and now it was time to see just how far his own luck would take him. Turning to leave he remembered one last thing he wanted to tell Captain.

"Seven."

Using the man's old name, the one he had been called by before the apocalypse, must have jolted back to a lucid state as he now looked at Gromov like he was seeing him for the first time.

"He's not coming back, no matter how long you wait."

After saying his final words to the Captain, the engineer turned his back on the man and headed out to face the unknown wasteland. Only Pilot remained at the doorway. Captain stared at the aviator expectantly, wondering if he too would choose to abandon his Captain.

* * *

><p>Pilot carried no bags; heh ad never had much need for such frivolous objects. All he needed was the lead pipe strapped to his back, Mr. Kittyhawk who was zipped up in his jacket with its head poking out, and his Captain in the dark room. Those three were the only things that mattered to Pilot but now his world was coming apart at the seams and it was all because of that stupid sniper.<p>

The aviator always prided himself on his unwavering faith for Captain and if he could he would never leave his Captain's side, but faith could only take one so far and the man's silence for the past weeks had left Pilot confused and directionless. Sometimes he would turn to Engie for advice on what to do for the day but his missions were nowhere near as exciting as Captain's had been. Find food, look for clean water, watching out for hostiles, that was the Snippy Snipster's job, not his. It was fine when that slug was doing his job and Pilot could focus on finding a unicorn for Captain. Now that lazy boot had gone and completely defied Captain and in his absence Pilot was left to pick up the slack.

One day he came back empty handed, that was the same day that Engie had suggested they leave, not just leave the area but leave Captain behind too if he chose not to follow. How could that furry headed boob even think of such a heinous thing!

Pilot yelled at the engineer, calling him a blasphemous heathen who wasn't worthy to serve Captain just like the sniper was. He had stormed off, determined never to listen to Engie again. More days passed and Pilot's thoughts strayed back to what the engineer had said.

Captain could wait forever while surviving on his awesomeness alone, but Pilot was just not as awesome as his Captain was. He needed to move on if he wanted to someday return to serve Captain. Now he found himself in the doorway filled with a burdening sense of betrayal that he wasn't sure who it belonged to.

Was he betraying his Captain for leaving or was he the one that was being betrayed by Captain for refusing to move on? With each passing second Pilot grew angrier, not at Captain directly but for the fact that he was waiting for the sniper. Why did he wait for that pathetic excuse of a minion when he had a much better and more devoted one standing right in front of him? Why did he choose that mud encrusted moth eaten shoe over him?

That filthy slime eating slug, no, he wasn't some mucus covered invertebrate or worn out footwear anymore. The sniper was nothing to the pilot now, just like he should have meant nothing to the Captain.

"Hatchenson!"

The pilot flinched as he heard Engie shouting at him from the distance. Looking back at Captain, green lenses locked with violet for the last time. He wanted to say goodbye but he couldn't trust himself not to yell and scream at Captain due to his recent musings on the sniper. So he left without saying a word. He ran away clutching the small toy bird zipped up in his jacket to his body but it did nothing to lift the heavy lead weight of guilt in his chest.

* * *

><p>The Captain watched as his minions left the doorway in a stunned stupor, were they really going through with this silly venture? He expected this kind of insubordination from someone like Engie but not from Pilot. Did this mean he was a bad Captain? No, he was a marvellous leader and he wasn't going to let them leave because they lacked his glorious patience. He had spent too much time gathering his men together to have them go AWOL; he would follow them, bring them back and deal out swift punishments to discourage any further thoughts of disobedience.<p>

He almost did but stopped, he remembered why he was in the dark room in the first place and settled back into his silent vigil. He was almost certain that after some time without his guidance in the wasteland the two would come crawling back to and beg him for forgiveness. Still the little nattering voice in the back of his mind continued to pester his thoughts, what if they really weren't coming

back? Pilot may return but Engie's mad ravings seemed to have a sense of finality to them. He also thought about what the engineer had said about his sniper before he left, what did he mean by that?

"He's not coming back," he said in a mocking Russian accent before switching back to his normal German.

"How can you not come back when you never left?" he said while looking at the black and white clad man sleeping next to the wall. Captain knew that Snippy had the habit of sleeping so deeply that he was often oblivious to any dangers near by. Because of this the sniper tended to seek out secluded areas that he believed to be safe, but nothing was truly safe in this dead world and Captain felt the need to stand guard over his sniper as he slept.

It had seemed like such a long time ago when Snippy had disappeared for a few days but Captain found him in a matter of hours after finally beginning the game of hide and seek that they often played, it was a game that Captain always won. At some point the sniper had come across some finger paints when he found this room and had himself a good time with it. After the initial disappointment that Snippy hadn't made a mural of his Captain's greatness he spent some time critiquing his minions work.

He had to admit his sniper had been rather enthusiastic with his work as the blackish red paint covered a vast majority of the floor and on his clothes. The effort must have left his sniper exhausted since

Snippy had decided to fall asleep in the little room he had personally decorated himself. Captain had stumbled upon his minion while he was still asleep, he noted that the marksman seemed to sleep much more soundly than usual. Gone were the little twitches and soft cries he would make when plagued by those silly images his mind would show him, even when he didn't want to see them.

The Captain had been please with this improvement, it meant Snippy would be more rested and therefore be more efficient with his missions. Captain had then decided to let his snippy sniper continue to sleep in peace while he took his place by the mans side and waited for him to awaken. Time passed with an occasional visit from Photoshop who would peek through the small doorway hopefully at the sleeping sniper before being chased away by a stern look from Captain. He didn't mind the worm chasing his sniper, just not while he was asleep. It wouldn't be sporting.

Captain wasn't sure how much time had passed but it must be crossing over to ridiculousness and he suspected his little act of kindness was being taken for granted. Annoyed by his sniper's laziness and now Engie and Pilot had begun to misbehave too, no more nice Mr. Captain, these bad habits must be nipped in the bud at once.

Moving after standing still for so long was painful but he managed to shake off the stiffness in his joints and marched to over to his minion, the cheap paint cracking and flaking away under his boots as he did. Crouching down by Snippy he placed a hand on the man's stiff shoulder and gave him a firm shake.

"Snippy, you've slept for long enough; it's time to wake up."

He continued to sleep, no "bwahs" or annoyed grunts that he would usually make when being woken up. In fact there was no reaction at all, he just laid there like the lazy lump he was. Captain became outraged as his minion ignored his demand and was literally giving him the cold shoulder.

"Snippy! Why do you disobey Captain? Wake up, Engie and Pilot are running away, I need you to retrieve them for me. Are you even listening to me? I said wake up!"

As cloud covered sun begun to sink below the horizon and the creeping shadows once again overtook the room Captain's voice continued to call out to his sniper through the darkness.

"_Wake up."_

"_Please?"_

"_Just wake up."_

* * *

><p><strong>Author notes: <strong>In one of the Snippy journals he said Captain would often stand over him as he slept and I wondered, how long would Captain stand there if one day Snippy didn't wake up?

**=8=8=  
><strong>

**NEXT CHAPTER: "m" by ******ItachiFangirlShay1133**.**


	13. M is for Magazines

**Disclaimer: alexiuss owns everything.**

**Super-alphabet-collab-challenge between SoulxCyanide, Schizo zee Techie, temarcia, eight 0f hearts, n.s.c.m., ItachiFangirlShay1133, LiquoriceLaw and messynotebooks.  
><strong>

****(this chapter by_ **_**ItachiFangirlShay1133**_**_)****

* * *

><p><strong>M is for Magazines<strong>

One day in the nice, freezing, radioactive winter, Pilot found some intriguing items.

"Hey, Engie, look what I found!" Came the yell of an excited Pilot.

"I swear if it's another-"Engie started

"No it's not another bead, you shoe, look!" He showed up something he'd found.

"It's a book!" Pilot cheered.

"That's not a book, it's a magazine." Engie corrected.

"What that?"

"Something that women read for tips on how to clean and stuff." Engie answered.

Pilot read it for a couple moments.

"But this one has lacy clothes in it."

"Give me that." He said while swiping the magazine from the confused Pilot.

He had to hold his nose to keep it from bleeding everywhere.

"Okay, Pilot if you see any more of these please give them to me." He stated.

"But, why?" Pilot replied.

"I have plans for them…" Engie replied eerily.

Pilot found six more of the graphic magazines and gave them to Engie.

"Okay, I'll be in this room if you need me..." Engie said to Pilot.

~OoO~

'What is that shoe doing in there? He'd been in there for a while.' Pilot wondered to himself.

'I'll go tell Captain he's shirking work!'

He found Captain sitting on the top floor with his signature mug at his side.

"Captain! Engie's shirking work!" Pilot whined.

"Vhat? I shall deal vith this immediately!" Captain said overdramatically.

They walked to the man in question's 'room' and took down the door, and what they found shocked them.

"Engie! Where did you get steak? And that fire?" Pilot yelled.

"Remember those magazines? Yeah this is them now." He pointed to the fire.

"Oh vonderful there is enough steak for everyone in Captainia! We shall have steak tonight! Although it is a shame Mr. Snippy had to be eaten right now." Captain proclaimed.

So they all had a nice steak dinner together. The end.

* * *

><p><strong>=8=8=<br>**

**NEXT CHAPTER "N" by messynotebooks******.****


End file.
